To the Confident Girl Who Struggles,
I see how you walk into the room. You are loud, proud and you try to bring the focus of the room to you. You are confident in your words, your thoughts, your opinions and yourself. You want everyone to see you the way you want to be seen.
You do not want them to see the way you go home and carefully go over the antidotes you are going to tell. You have answers prepared for the common questions that you don't necessarily like your answers for. Deep down, you are self-conscious and shy. But, you can't tell anyone that.
Why?
Because when you do, people don't believe you. You have a track record of putting yourself out there, of being that girl. And when you don't feel like being that girl, when you feel like being reclusive and nervous, everyone, including those closest to you, refuses to understand.
They don't know what it's like to have everyone see you as the perky girl, the one who loves to put themselves out there, and fails at it. Because when you fail a test, you lose at a competition, or you even just mistake you take it hard. And it haunts you.
To you, your personality is everyone.
I understand this all too well.
Too often, especially when I am talking about my battle with my mental illness, someone will tell me to get over it. Or it's not real. Or it's in my head. And I don't get it. And I know you don't either. Maybe I get anxiety (And I'm talking full blown shakes and meltdowns) over something so easy for most people, but I can compose myself and command a room. It does not matter what you see, it matters how I feel.
And sometimes, we feel like hell. And that's okay. You know why?
Because we are strong and confident. We are the ones who go in the bathroom and cry over something mundane and then walk back into the room to tell the funniest joke ever. We are the ones who can have our hearts broken in an instant, but know that a few Tinder swipes can boost our self-esteem. Not that we need a man, of course.
So, have your breakdown. For a minute, or hour or day. But know that, like all the times before, you WILL come out on top.
Love,
Your Biggest Fan Who's Fighting Too
