I can almost guarantee I am the best babysitter your kids will ever have. I have worked at summer camps and after school programs, been a nanny and I am the oldest of three children. I know how to get your kids to bed on time, can end a tantrum, I hold my own while playing “pretend” and will never be on my phone while your kids are awake. My method is firm but fun.

I speak the language of your child.

But the most alarming thing is…you don’t.

There’s always that weird period of time after I arrive but before the parents leave. Sometimes parents even ask me to come over while they are still getting ready to keep the kids out of their hair. The way a parent interacts with their child before they leave usually gives me a good idea of the way their kids will behave once they depart.

There are three types of parents: firm but fair (MY FAVORITE), frazzled and shrill, and the IDGAF parents.

Ahhhh, firm but fair…. These parents treat their kids with respect but don’t let them pull any BS moves. The parents usually offer to either buy you dinner or ask what you prefer they make. They make sure their kids acknowledge their bedtime, will listen to me and their kids are generally excited to see me. They know that if they follow the rules and don’t give me a hard time, the night will be totally fun! These parents pay well and ask how their kids behaved at the end of the night.

The parents who will ask you to come over 1-2 hours early to supervise their kids while they get ready are the frazzled and shrill parents. These parents will also fail to tell you if their kid is sick until you get there. NOTE TO PARENTS: IF YOUR KID IS SICK WE DON’T WANT TO BABYSIT. ITS NOT FAIR IF WE CATCH A COLD BECAUSE YOU ARE SELFISH ENOUGH TO SLUMP YOUR SICK KID ON SOMEONE ELSE. They tend to whine at their kids rather speak to them and use empty threats to get them to behave. For example, “If you’re good, Hannah will give you dessert”, or if they are acting up they might say, “If you’re not a good boy Hannah won't come back. She doesn’t like bad boys, she’d rather watch all the other kids she babysits.” OK, yeah I would, but don’t tell your kid I don’t want to be there. That just makes them feel less comfortable with me. Their kids usually behave for the most part but are used to getting whatever they want because they are so prone to bribery. These parents won't tell you what time they are getting back, and will probably “forget” to go to the ATM. They are the worst.

The hardest kids to deal with are the spawn of the IDGAF parents. The IDGAF parents want to book it as soon as you arrive and don’t mention whether dinner was had, if there is a routine they want you to try and follow or any sort of bedtime. They let their kids do whatever they want and are indulgent, jaded and living in a fantasy world. They don’t pay you enough for what you put up with and ask if you’re available almost every weekend. Their kids will probably fight with each other and be little hellions the entire time. What can you do when you can't play games because it will turn into a fight amongst siblings, tantrums happen every five seconds and the kids don’t want to go to bed? I’ll let you in on my secret for dealing with the children of IDGAF parents. LET THE KIDS DO WHATEVER THE HELL THEY WANT. In the end, you, the sitter, are really only there to make sure their kids survive until the parents get back home.

Oh you want ice cream? OK, here’s the tub.

Your brother hit you? I’ll make eye contact with them both and explain why that’s wrong. There’s really nothing more you can do.

You don’t want to go to bed? Whatever, just take your iPad to bed and pretend to sleep when your parents get home.

Now, keep in mind I am still playing with these kids, never on my phone, and supervising them the whole time. I am just not going to stress myself out by being the parent they need but don’t have.

Babysitting is not for everyone. It's boring at times, tiring and takes patience. But the money is good and it’s the best birth control around!