All throughout my life, stability has been an issue. Relationships have started and fizzled out, grades have fluctuated, and some friends are about as reliable as the campus Wi-Fi. Yet, I always found security in food. Even if the other aspects of my life were in complete turmoil, I could count on a bowl of Rice Krispies in the morning, a sandwich stuck in the fridge around noontime, and a hot plate in front of me around 7:30 p.m. every night.
That all changed a few months ago.
You see when you come to college, as a freshman you’re like a puppy, lively, full of hope, and excited for what you’ve been told by many is “the best four years of your life.” Yet, when you look beyond the wondrous ruckus of fratland, limitless freedom, and meeting your future best friends, you quickly come to the realization that you are now an adult and that with all of these amazing things comes responsibility. Responsibility means compromise. Compromise means not eating through your meal plan faster than a man in a hot dog eating contest. I realized this far too late and quickly approached the last month of college with a solid $0.00 on my account. How would I stay alive?
Just like any other serious matter running out of meal points comes in five stages, it will be painful at times and seem as though it will never end. But I assure you that by the end of this article you will have all the advice one needs to get through to next year (or until you call your mom having a mental breakdown and force her to bump up your plan.) Whatever comes first just remember in the wise words of Zac Efron, “We’re All In this Together . ” Or maybe its just time you started eatin’ less, and workin’ out more.
Stage 1: Denial
This is the first stage of this process, and can be the most traumatic step as well. You have just walked to the commons with all your friends, excited for Nacho Night. You confidently walk up to the cashier and whip out your ID card. Something is wrong. It’s wrong as soon as you don’t hear the familiar *ding* of an approved swipe. The cashier looks you in the eye and utters the most horrible news, “I just don’t know how to tell you this (gulp) but you’re out of meal points.” Your world is now shattered, your mind is racing, and most importantly, your stomach is growling. Start small. Simple steps such as taking deep breaths, talking to others about your addiction to The Big O, and figuring out what restaurants brought you to this harsh reality, is certainly a good start. You may question how you got here since it is really only the seventh week of school , and your friend Georgia who you swear is always buying those Chobani flip cups still manages to somehow have a few hundred dollars. Yet, this isn’t about Georgia, this is about you. You can deny all you want, but you are the one that had to have: two venti caramel macchiatos , a Chick-fil-a combo meal , a medium Jamba Juice from the secret menu and a hub salad.
Just to make it through the day 3 or 4 times a week. You see this really isn’t Georgia’s fault, after all, its Penn State’s for having so many amazing dining options obviously.
Stage 2: (H)anger
Your friends are all extremely worried. You just haven’t been yourself the past six hours since college took a turn for the worst. You’ve been giving one-word responses to all your friends or even hitting your boo with the read receipt. You have now transitioned into stage two: Anger. You don’t want to talk to anyone, and you certainly don’t want to meet up with Georgia for lunch at the hub, considering you’re way too mortified to share the news (BACK AT IT AGAIN with her spending meal points, you just really don’t get how this girl has LionCash?)
Since this is college, after all, I can assure you that attempting to avoid people or more importantly food is just not an option. It will seem that everywhere you turn your peers will be having the time of their lives as they lay out in front of Old Main Lawn eating McAlister’s with their boy and girlfriends (ugh, couples, the only thing worse than seeing food in a time like this.) And then it happens, you run into your friends, and to make matters worse they’re all having the time of their lives as they consume the ever so delicious Creamery ice cream. You feel you your blood boil, and your hands begin to shake, they have to be doing this on purpose. Especially when they say, “Oh! I’ll pay for you, I’ve got like, $100 left”. Your friends run up to you asking why you didn’t text them back about getting ice cream and you finally lose it. This is the last straw you look at your friends with the worst stank eye you can make and stomp away. How could people be so inconsiderate of your emotions in a time like this? Nothing a little pokie sticks can’t fix right??? Oh wait that would involve meal points.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Okay its been 8 hours now, and you are about to lose your freaking shit. And then it hits you! Three weeks ago you swiped for your two friends at the dining hall and they sooo owe you a swipe. Ugh maybe this is why you’re here, you’re just such a giving person (snaps for you). You decide to text both of them explaining the trauma you’ve endured in the past few hours and that if you do not consume D.P. dough within the next hour you will no longer be able to function. Your friends both text you back almost instantly saying that they’ve both easily swiped for you about 10 times, yet desperate times call for desperate measures, and that assistance (OrderUP) will be there soon. You swear to them that the day (however long from now that may be) you are no longer broke you will return the favor. You look at the blue skies and thank little baby Jesus for blessing you with such great friends and swear that you will never allow yourself to be in this position again, since it has already been far too mentally scarring. “Maybe only one Venti caramel macchiato a day” you think to yourself, and then laugh knowing there’s still no chance in hell. *phone rings *
FINALLY
Zack from OrderUp is here. But what are you going to do about breakfast tomorrow?
OH yeah! I bought Matt Jamba four weeks ago, he so owes me!
Stage 4:Depression
There’s no one left to text, no more I.O.U.’s and now you’ve officially hit rock bottom. You decide the best way to deal with this is how you would deal with any other crisis, lay in bed, cry, and watch One Tree Hill until it is solved.
That’s really all there is to this stage folks: Chad Michael Murray solves everything
Stage 5: Acceptance
All right you’ve finished 3 seasons of OTH and finally decide to call quits. You sit there in your bed realizing that this is your new reality and that maybe you’ll start a Go Fund me or something, but until then you’ll just have to let the chips fall where they may (ugh Doritos sound so good right now damn it). Then right when you’re about to lose all hope your phone lights up and the three letters you’ve never been so happy to see appear. MOM!!
You’ve tried so hard to prove to her that you’re a strong, independent, woman who don’t need no meal plan bump ups, but you just can't wait one more second. After much small talk about your new guy and how great your grades are, you ask if she can please put money on your card. (drum roll please). An almost instant “yes” echoes through the phone. How should you celebrate a moment such as this?!?!
Why with food of course... and maybe a caramel macchiato cuz why the hell not.
