Confessions Of A Depressed Romantic
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Confessions Of A Depressed Romantic

Jacob Alexander Prest, resident love-chasing dummy.

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Confessions Of A Depressed Romantic
Jacob Prest

"I fall in love too easily...I fall in love too fast...I fall in love too terribly hard..."

Chet Baker's chilling lyrics off his album Chet Baker Sings sum up my current romantic situation: depressingly lonely. For those who are expecting a WWE-themed article about school, this is actually far from it. Sure, I might joke about my love life like any aspiring stand-up comic would, but the actual truth is I'm very depressed when it comes to finding love.

Now don't worry, I don't need counseling or a seminar or anything like that: writing this article is therapeutic. It involves five major points about me, Jacob Alexander Prest, resident depressed romantic who listens to the same Childish Gambino song every night.

1. Although I have talented potential, no one around me cares to jump on that and explore that with me

I hate to toot my own horn, but when it comes to singing, I can somewhat harmonize vocally. I try and make people laugh as much as I can by being my idiotic self, even if it's just an impression. When it comes to professional wrestling, I can tell you all about the importance of storytelling in the sport and which matches to watch as a fan (peep my first article, *wink wink*).

As a History major and creative writing minor, I can't help but tell my friends that my future plans is remain unemployed for the rest of my life. I've heard many of my friends and family tell me time and time again, "You're talented, you've got a big future in entertainment, yadda yadda yadda...", and I appreciate it. I really do.

But when no one seems to care about exploring that with me, aka a girlfriend, I guess it's just sad irony.

My friend Eli once told me, "You were born in the wrong generation, dude", and I believe him. If I was around in the 1950s, I guess I could make it. Good thing is I wouldn't have to deal with text message rejections about dates: I could be turned down in person and not worry about being ostracized on social media.

Along with that, I understand that many of my female counterparts want to explore their independence, and believe me I'm exploring my own, too. Everyone around me keeps saying, "There's more fish out in the sea", yet where's the fishing rod?

How do you suppose I go about finding 'The One'? Talented or not, I have something to offer.

"Paging Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard..."

2. The stigma of not getting the 'popular' or 'beautiful' girl is still implanted in my head...how do I get rid of it?

Growing up, I experienced that stereotype of seeing popular guys and popular girls going out because of their physical beauty and their mental sense of popularity. It's a poison, really. I can't seem to get rid of it, too. People click in various ways as a couple, so if Roger Rabbit can get Jessica Rabbit, I guess I have a shot?

Now, don't feel like I'm sounding sexist or not 'educated' with modern values of being perfect in your own way, I'm just a kid still learning certain aspects of this modern era's ideals of meeting your significant other based on inner beauty rather than outer beauty.

(Youtube Credit to Jasmine Gary)

At the same time, I always feel 'out of my league' when it comes to meeting some of the most beautiful women in the world. That feeling of just giving up because they probably don't want a dumbbell-like me is etched in me like graffiti on a wall. Why? I guess my interpretation of society and media comes into play.

Watching movies like I Love You Beth Cooper and TV Shows like That 70s Show always makes me cheer for the underdog because I always feel like that man who has no odds in his favor when it comes to love, even though I've yet to have a moment like 'getting the girl next door.'

Stigmas and stereotypes have crowded my head so much, I don't think I can ever remove it. If I do remove it, that's the year Cleveland wins the Super Bowl.

3. Crushes, crushes, crushes...

Chet Baker's song comes back into play, folks. My friend Zach once said, "Jake, you fall in love with a girl who just gives you the time of day." I laughed because it was true.

I've never been one to take hints so that rules out me being a detective.

When they finally give me the 'Just Friends' talk, I finally figure it out. You may think, Jeez, this guy is a sad, women-chasing slob, but to be honest, I just appreciate people for their personalities and their talents.

When it comes to women, I feel a connection that then transforms into me having a crush. This revelation might have those closest to me change their opinion of me, but take a walk in my shoes for a day.

When those old crushes now don't even say 'Hi' anymore, that's when you know you've been a terrible friend for only caring about them romantically. Again you're thinking, Cuckoo, cuckoo, and I don't blame you. "I fall in love too easily..."

...and I can never seem to fall out of love.

I'll admit this: I have yet to master the art of moving on from rejection. Consider me a Padawan, at best. I have probably been rejected twenty times, and that takes a lot of pride to reveal.

Beginning in middle school to even today, it's become a recurring thing in my life. It starts with a great conversation that builds my confidence in asking a girl out, the dreams of them agreeing and the thoughts of them rejecting me, and then their rejection hits me like the wrestling GIF you see above.

Now, don't feel like I'm a special case, because I can tell people have possibly been rejected a lot more than I have. However, it's the post-rejection series of events that traumatize me: self-criticism. What could I have done differently to ask them out? Did I say something wrong? Is it just me?, all these thoughts run through my head...until now.

I finally get it: that girl made her decision based on other reasons rather than just straight up not liking me. It was never because I screwed up or just me in general, it was always just her opinion of me.

I did nothing wrong: it takes a lot of pride to express your feelings to someone like that. The world turns...

4. I'm still young, so there's no deadline for me to find 'The One' (I guess)

To be quite honest, I'd like at least one ex-girlfriend in my life. At this point, you're thinking This kid is off his rocks, why am I reading this article?

However, let me say that having an ex would be good experience for me to learn from my mistakes in the first relationship so that I can have a far better experience with my future girlfriend.

At 20 years old, I have a lot of time to explore my talent and potential while remaining single and on the market.

Sure, some (and I mean some) of my friends are already engaged, but it's not like there's a timer on me to find my future wife. Hell, I could have six ex-girlfriends before finding 'The One', and that'd be fine because I can learn from those past relationships and thus become a far better boyfriend to whoever that lucky girl is.

Don Rickles, my favorite comedian, married at 38, and look at how many years they spent together? 52 great years of marriage before he passed away this past Spring.

For all you out there that are my age or even a bit older, don't fret: we may be rejected thousands of times before finding 'The One', but don't give up entirely. If you do, your depression won.

Walk out the champion, folks, walk out the champion.


When it comes to finding 'The One', I don't see myself finding a woman who is just like me. Sure, we might have similar interests and hobbies, but that's it. It's all about how naturally we click together, not how much money she has or how many Instagram likes she has on one picture: it has to be simple chemistry.

My mom, a wellness major, met my dad, a construction worker, in the mid-1980s and they've been close ever since. I'm realizing now a 'gold digger' is just a Kanye West song...nothing else.

Sad thing is, even as I laugh at my misfortunes, I can't seem to find my footing when it comes to love.

(Youtube credit to Daptone Records)

5. My self-esteem has had few positives and various negatives...how can I celebrate myself when I have no love interest to ride off into the sunset with?

There's a saying that goes around when it comes to the ultimate fall of a certain person or event, "The straw that broke the camel's back." That happened to me in a moment of rejection from a girl I knew last year.

She was honestly one of the most talented women I've ever met...and I let myself believe she was looking for a relationship. When I finally revealed my feelings to her a month after meeting her, I was expecting something different. I did.

She rejected me in a way that made me feel more mature...even though I never talked to her again. Not because I was angry with her or anything, but because I was angry with myself. Yes, I did blow it out of proportion. Yes, I should've just accepted it and moved on.

However, I exaggerated this sad rejection as if it was my downfall. The straw that broke that camel's back on my confidence in finding love.

I went to my first therapy session a few weeks later. Not just because of her, but because of the negative things that filled my head after: I'd never gain that confidence back, I'd always be a flop when it comes to finding love, and I was just all hype when it came to my positive personality.

Depression, folks. It can hit you in so many ways that it takes a lot of courage to overcome. I can admit that I'm not a chronic case of suffering depression, but that romantic troubles is my trigger.

Rejection opens the floodgates for something that can either wreck me for a few days as I listen to the same old Chet Baker album, watch sad scenes from the same westerns, and not pay attention to getting back up.

Yet, when I finally realize what I can offer, like my music and comedy, that's when I know I can move on from it. After all the buildup that led into a flat, negative outcome, I've gone from being the happiest man on Earth to the saddest sucker who will never get the girl.

It's a cycle that will hopefully change as soon as I can forget those stigmas, never take my talent for granted, and eventually garner my self-esteem so depression never sets in again. It's just a matter of discovering myself, exploring my career options, and not letting detractors get the better of me.

Enjoy yourself, ladies. I never meant to be such a stupid sap when it came to telling you my feelings about you. Hope you can forgive me one day.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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