If you were to ask me what I do on a normal day, I would tell you, “I usually stay inside and read a book or watch YouTube.” I’m not really one for socializing. Every so often I enjoy hanging out with my close friend(s) but normally, I stay away from any and all conversations. It's not that I don’t like people. In fact, I love spending time with people and making human connections, but I just don’t feel comfortable if I were to talk to someone I barely know. To people who can relate, we have been thought of as shy or rude or disinterested or nonsocial. But for those who may not understand why someone may be reserved in this society dominated by communication and extroverts, I will try to explain it the best that I can.
First off, I can’t stand large groups. I’ve been in a group of about eight or ten people before and the truth is, it's too overwhelming. Even if I am friends with everyone in the group, I feel uncomfortable speaking out, knowing that some people may speak over each other, and because of this, staying silent is my way to go. In reality, I am better at communicating one on one with people. I’m really just a better listener than a talker.
Second, I’m socially awkward and that’s okay. Having social anxiety isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sure it can hinder you from talking to people, but it does make you more aware and conscious of your surroundings. Whenever I leave my home or my car, I look around and observe my surroundings so (a.) I won’t run into anyone who might want to start a conversation, and (b.) so I can be sure there is not an imminent threat around. Even if I see you down the street and just wave, that’s me being myself. I’m not trying to ignore you on purpose. I just would rather be on my way.
Most of my friends are extroverts. I find it odd that I tend to be drawn to more extroverts than introverts. Don’t get me wrong, I have introverted friends and I love them, but sometimes I just envy extroverts. How they can just walk into a social scene and talk to people they might not even know and have a good time. I try to do this sometimes, but I would rather be standing next to my dear friend, the wall, and watch all of the social interactions.
I can sit in a room with nothing but silence for hours. I get the most done when everything is silent and while I do spend time listening to music or watching videos, silence is the one thing that keeps me at peace.
Speaking of peace, I do find time in my day to meditate. It's something I’ve been doing since high school and it is a great way to relieve stress and reflect on your day. I meditate for about thirty minutes to an hour each day. But if you want to try it, start at 5 minutes then work your way up.
Lastly, I’m still trying to figure all of this out. Being an introvert isn’t very easy, and I know that being on the opposite side of the spectrum can’t be easy either. As we grow and mature, we eventually find what makes each person their own. Don’t worry if you haven’t figured it all out yet. I haven’t either.
