When I was a sophomore in high school, my youth minister posed a question to my youth group: "If you were to come back to your high school 10 years from now and they made a banner for you, what would you want it to say?" It didn't take me long to realize that all I wanted to be known for was for being friendly and kind to people.
At my high school, we had an awards ceremony for seniors called the Grady Awards. Everybody in the senior class could pick up a ballot and write in names of their fellow classmates to win various superlative awards like most athletic, most likely to go on Broadway, etc.
On May 6, 2015, I won a Grady Award: Most Friendly.
This was without a doubt one of the most humbling moments of my life. All I want in life is to be a good influence on people, and that award confirmed that I spent my high school years doing just that.
But I'd be lying if I said that I never once stumbled along the way.
I am definitely not a perfect person. As much as I try to think highly of everybody, sometimes I fail and let frustration get the better of me, allowing me to think unkindly of someone.
I vividly remember my first summer at church camp with my youth group. There was one person in our group who ignored us for majority of the week, and whenever he saw us, he acted rude and condescending. I took personal offense to this, and I let this eat at me for a few days. I know for a fact I was thinking badly of him, and I shouldn't have let my guard down. After this had gone on for a few days, I felt so much remorse for hardening my heart towards one of my friends. So I went up to him and apologized.
I apologized for simply thinking unkindly of somebody. Although I did no wrong with my actions, I knew for a fact that my heart was not where it needed to be. That alone made me feel like a terrible person.
This incident happened almost three years ago, but I would be lying if I said that I hadn't made the same mistake since then. I try my hardest to always think the best of people, but I fail many times.
Sometimes it's easier to harden our hearts towards somebody who wronged us than it is to forgive them. I try my hardest to give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes it seems nearly impossible to do. I try my hardest to love everybody, but sometimes people just act very unlovable. I try my hardest to give somebody who wronged me a second chance, but sometimes I question whether or not it's worth it.
Nobody said that being the better person would be easy.
The world is so full of hate and anger as is. I want to be the complete opposite of that. I want to spread love, happiness, and positivity to everybody I meet. I never want anybody to hurt, and I don't want people to be unhappy. Every day, I strive to be a better Kara than the Kara I was the day before.
Who we were yesterday does not define who we can be today.
To anybody I have ever hurt, offended, or thought unkindly of in the past: I am deeply, sincerely sorry. I never want to hurt anybody, and to think that I may have hurt somebody in the past absolutely shatters my heart. I love you very much and hope that you can forgive me.
To those who have wronged me or thought unkindly of me in the past: I love you, I forgive you, and I will always be here for you.
Life is far too short to keep burning bridges. I'm going to work towards salvaging the bridges I have burned in the past and preventing any more from starting.
I'm going to live each day with a loving, forgiving heart. Wouldn't the world be lovely if everyone did the same?
