I do not want kids. There, I said it. When I tell someone this for the first time, this is usually met with a slew of annoying remarks. The most common one's being "Oh, you will change your mind" and "Yeah, I used to say that too when I was your age." While these comments may seem harmless, they foster insecurities that often arise in young women who have decided that motherhood just isn't for them.
As sad as it may be, I am sometimes afraid to mention that I do not plan on having kids to people who do not know already. I do my best to avoid the comments about how "I will want them when I am older." I do not like the questions and disappointment that surrounds my truth. I do not want kids. It is as simple as that. It's not because I hate kids; that is anything but the truth. It is not because I am heartless; my whole career path is focused on helping others. The fact of the matter is, I just have a different future in mind.
Just because I am a woman, does not mean I am obligated to bear children. I hate when people insinuate that I will not be fulfilled in life if I am not a mother. You can gain fulfillment in more ways than one. You can still have a life full of love without being a mother. There are many more options for women in this day and age, which allows me to choose an unconventional route.
A lot of girls my age fantasize about finding a wonderful husband and having gorgeous children. I have never had that. Do not misunderstand me, I think motherhood is definitely a full-time job and is something to be admired. I have the best mom in the world, and I know she has a full plate with my two sisters and I. If it were not for her, I would not be around obviously.
Despite my declaration, I often fear that I will never find a man who wants the same future as me. All of the men in my life talk about having kids and growing old, which is wonderful of course. It is just very rare to meet a person that admits to not wanting children. Although I do believe in alternate ways of fulfillment and love, I still want a life partner who would not have to compromise with me over something that important. I see people all around me getting married and getting pregnant right away. There is so much pressure on young women to bear children while their "biological clocks" are still ticking.
Additionally, my insecurities are heightened when people all around me invalidate my life choices. Smiling and saying, "You will change your mind" does not make me think any differently about the subject. All it does is make me insecure and uncomfortable with my feelings. So, stop it.
If there ever comes a day when I decide having kids is for me, then great. I am young and have plenty of time to think about what I want in life. But, as of right now, my plan is not to have any. There is nothing wrong with that plan, and people need to recognize that. If I realize I actually do want a child or two, that will be my husband and I's decision to make. But, in the meantime, respect where I stand on the matter and do not try to convince me that my feelings are immature. I am capable of making up my own mind.
