I wasn’t always like this – fat.
Sometime before I hit my double-digits, I was just like every other child roaming the playgrounds, soaring on the swing set and munching on lunch sandwiches my mother cut into quarters. I learned my alphabet to a tee, practiced my multiplication and remembered all fifty states.
Time inevitably passed and, during my four years in high school, I became awfully aware of my body.
It was unlike all the others. Instead of a slim figure, I had volume. My waist was wider, my thighs were thicker and chest was bigger. I was reminded every morning when I stepped into my closet and examined my choices. For a split second, I would consider the sleeveless fitted blouse, but I knew better. I knew the looks I would get.
Instead, I resorted to the flowy tops that would hide my shape.
Later in the afternoon, I would find myself shifting nervously in my seat in a silent classroom.
All I wanted was to turn in my completed work to my teacher but if I were to stand up, all attention would be drawn to me. I would be the noise interrupting a quiet setting. I’d reluctantly gather the courage after several minutes and as I worked my way through the maze of desks, I felt my heart pounding in my chest.
At the end of the day, when the sun set and the temperature rose, I was reminded once more as I undressed for a quick rinse. There was no escape, no avoidance. This was when I was most vulnerable because I was face-to-face with my biggest insecurities.
I noticed the stretch marks that decorated my tummy like a tiger’s stripes.
I couldn't look away from the cellulite that dimpled my upper thighs. I couldn’t wish it away so I thought it best to avoid it all together. For a long time, this was my mindset. I felt extremely awkward with my existence.
Throughout the years, popular brands began to expand their sizing to cater to a broader spectrum of women – women like me.
The current wave of body positivity and acceptance has brought plus-size role models such as Barbie Ferreira, Jennie Runk and Ashley Graham to the limelight where they actually use their platform to represent an entire community of girls who lack the “ideal” body type.
These women were not trying to normalize obesity and unhealthy eating habits. They were trying to normalize body acceptance.
Thanks to these campaigns, slowly but surely, I found myself growing comfortable in my own skin. This time, I wasn't worrying about how others would perceive me. Instead, I focused on how I felt about myself. I stopped critiquing my body's imperfections and reminded myself about the beauty of living. I wanted to be present and enjoy every moment of the life I was blessed with instead of drowning in self-hate.
I wasn’t always like this – fat – but I can say that because the word itself is simply an adjective and I refuse to let it define me as a human being. Regardless of whether or not I continue to remain fat, I’m rejecting the negative connotation behind the three-letter word.
Just because I am fat doesn’t mean I can’t be beautiful and the journey to self-love starts with you.
