Warning: The following is a dramatic, strange, yet accurate portrayal of a Desi Drama Queen's life.
Desi: A person of Indian, Pakistani or Bangladeshi descent/birth who lives in another country
1) Bollywood Is Real.
I am Aishwarya Rai. I don't have blue eyes, but I have a blue lehenga somewhere in my closet and I will twirl myself dizzy in it because I am Aishwarya Rai.
(Warning: Don't stare at this gif too long, or you will be hypnotized)
Also, my best friend and I do this in our free time.
All my entrances look like this.
2) My cultural jewelry makes me weirdly proud.
It's just so pretty. I love maang-paatis (head chains) and tikkas (plus chicken tikkas).
You can try all you want with your music festival swag, but it's not the real thing.
There's a unique joy to spotting rows of colorful bangles in the market and on your jewelry racks. There's nothing like looking at the variety of designs that the large subcontinent has to offer.
3) I'm bilingual, but not really?
If you speak one language from the subcontinent, odds are you can manage to communicate, if not comprehend another similar language.
If you speak Urdu, you can understand and communicate in conversational Hindi by default. This also means that you can somewhat comprehend Punjabi, if you don't know it as a third or fourth language already. Plus, a lot of Urdu speaking kids learn how to read Arabic at an early age, even if they can't understand it. So we might get dramatic on our resume skill set section.
4) Maybe I can convince people that I am royalty because I have a closet full of shiny outfits?
Manufactured in rupees, and decked out like its coronation day.
5) I Must Dance.
The girls in my culture are so skilled, and I have two left feet.
This is all I have to show when a song comes on at a party and my mom pushes me to the dance floor.
There are a variety of dance styles to choose from, and some of them call for complex coordination and synchronization.
You see, I have mastered the "screw the light-bulb and pat the dog" trick, so I'm moving onto big things now.
6) I can't leave my house with my eyebrows like this.
We're proud of our genes. With a quick clean-up, our eyebrows win every time.
7) I don't care that the aunties are judging me.
Except that I kind of do. They could be saying anything. I need to avoid too much eye-contact, but smile a lot.
8) I am going to be a rich, self-sufficient, kick-*ss lady.
That's the dream until you visit back home and return engaged.
9) I will slay on anyone who tries to criticize the way I dress.
I will though.
Don't make me remind you where that Lucky Brand tunic evolved from.
10) I will never forget that time someone in school tried to correct my pronunciation.
It was adorable. Someone told me that it's pronounced "hoooo-kuh" when I said "hookah."
I will never let it go.
Just. Adorable.
11) I am shaking my head at people who made fun of my nose rings before, but who now wear/admire nose rings and desi-inspired jewelry.
Ah, such cultured. So stylish.
Shaking. My. Head.
12) But my friends and I must laugh when a desi guy says "I don't prefer brown girls, I..."
Don't bother explaining, you're already a riot.
It's funny because it's the guy that none of us are trying to speak to.
So, of course, its always the guy whose opinion no one asked for...
13) I must come up with a unique henna design that will blow everyone away.
Once again, I have crooked paisley all over my own hands while the rest of the world is getting creative.
I can do that too.
14) We unite to condemn Fair and Lovely but we'll dodge a tan every time.
It's all about "Flexin' my Complexion" until you choose the lightest possible foundation "just to be safe."
(Fair and Lovely is a skin lightening cream and a staple product in the subcontinent)
If you want to get to know your desi classmate, study partner, or co-worker better, then I hope this helps. This is everything you will ever need to know about her, ever.
I can't speak for all desi girls, and of course not all of us are actually this dramatic. Meanwhile, its hard to deny that at least a few of these thoughts have crossed our minds.
