Confession: I’m Obsessed with the Food Network
“Let’s see who’s on the chopping block”, says Ted Allen as I find myself for a quick moment becoming a chef professional. “Well it’s OBVIOUSLY going to be the chef that used celery as a garnish instead of incorporating it into the dish”, I yell at the TV as if I’ve ever cooked with celery before in my life. I, who am proud of myself if I made a homemade marinade once a month, am so quick to judge these chefs who have been cooking their whole lives. Besides Chopped, here are my top 5 favorite Food Network shows and how I become an awful person while watching them.
- Bakers versus Fakers. This show, as the title suggests, has real bakers and regular people who like to cook facing off against each other and the judges then guess who the fakers are. And here I come in sitting my butt on the couch acting like it’s completely obvious who’s who. Suddenly if a baker doesn’t whisk their flour before using it in every dish, I assume they are a fake. Why do I do that? Because I’m a fake. I don’t know anything, but I’ll pretend to my dying day that I do.
- Beat Bobby Flay. For those of you who don’t know who that is, I’m ashamed. Just kidding, he’s a top chef who is apparently the guy to beat. While watching this show, I find myself never wanting Bobby Flay to lose and I think that’s the opposite affect they are looking for. I am always against the underdog for some reason and just want to see Bobby kick some butt. I am awful.
3. Cake Wars. Once I made a pound cake from scratch and it wasn’t too bad. I was proud of myself. Apparently, that one pound cake gives me the right to judge a master baker making a twelve-tear cake with intricate decorations. “No duh your cake lost, you made icing instead of meringue”, I tell myself while I eat store bought icing out of the container. I need to calm down.
4. Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Okay don’t get me started on this show. I’m pretty sure I watch this show so much that I was voted mayor of Flavortown last month. The real problem with my obsession for this show is that I will eat anything around me while watching this show. Whatever is in my reach, I will eat. Guy Fieri knows how to convince anyone to sell their soul for food. (Must be why it’s called soul food. Get it? Get it? Okay, I’ll stop.)
5. Worst Cooks in America: Celebrity Edition. I love seeing famous people mess up because it seems to be the only time everyone remembers they are human. So, if I can watch Mike the Situation from Jersey Shore set a pan on fire while making a grilled cheese, I am so in. In all honesty, I should go on this show. I definitely could use the lessons. And I don’t mean cooking lessons, Chef Ann has the best hair and I need to know her tricks.
