I hate being compared with other people.

Whenever someone begins to say, “Well, so-and-so does this,” or “Your sister would never complain about that,” I cringe. It isn’t fair to make comparisons between people. No one is the same; we don’t have the same personalities, life experiences or situations. It’s difficult to make a comparison between people just as it is difficult to make comparisons between apples and oranges.

So why do we do it to ourselves?

We constantly pit ourselves in competitions with other people. We think, If only I looked like… I wish I could sing like… I’m not as good at this as so-and-so is…

What is this measuring stick that can accurately compare one person to another? It is something we have conjured up in our own heads. It was never meant to happen, yet it has.

This is a reminder to myself as well as to you; we were never meant to be compared to another person. Our gifts and abilities, quirks and looks are unique to us. When we compare these things with those of others, it downplays the things that make us special.

It is easy in the world of social media to make comparisons. We see a model in an ad or magazine and think that we need to be skinnier, prettier or tanner in order to conform to society’s ideal of beauty. We see a photo on Instagram and think that we need to take adventures with our significant other and take beautiful pictures in order to be fulfilled in life. We watch a vlogger or musician on YouTube and think that we need to be funnier, more talented and wittier in order to gain the approval and adoration of the masses. We can read an article posted by one of our friends on Facebook and think that we need to write more eloquently or have a larger following in order to be successful. I’ll be the first to admit that I have thought all of these things.

However, I have realized something: comparison is a trap.

We can never look like the model in the magazine because we are not them. Maybe you have freckles on your face, or ruddy brown hair instead of blonde, or wider hips and fuller lips, and that’s ok. Actually, it’s great! We were created individually and uniquely, not to look like a knock-off version of someone else, but rather the best version of ourselves.

Maybe you’re single and don’t know how to take pictures like the photographers on Instagram. Your life does not need to reflect the images that you see on social media in order to be happy or fulfilling.

I can’t sing like Adele or Beyoncé, and while that may be a bit discouraging, it’s okay. Maybe that’s not where I am gifted. I don’t need adoring fans and thousands of subscribers on YouTube or followers on Twitter to know that I am loved and valued.

I am learning that I don’t need the approval of others to be a success.

This comparison trap is not a new thing that has only emerged with the presence of social media. The urge to compare ourselves to others has been around for thousands of years.

In the Bible, in 1st Corinthians, Paul reminds the Corinthian church that each member has it’s own part in the Body of Christ. In response to the Corinthians comparing their spiritual gifts, he writes:

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. (1st Corinthians 12:15-20)

We were each created for a purpose. If we try to take someone else’s gifts and purpose as our own, the role that we were meant to fill is left empty. Not only that, but trying to live the life that someone else was meant to live robs us of our joy. It was Theodore Roosevelt who said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

The only “measuring stick” that we should be comparing ourselves to is God’s unique one for us. Not society’s. Not social media’s. Not our mother’s or father’s, brother’s or sister’s, aunt’s or uncle’s. The questions we should be asking are, am I doing better than I was yesterday? Am I loving people the way God has called me to? And am I living up to (realistic) goals I have set for myself? Am I using my talents for God’s glory and abilities and not trying to be something I am not?

When the answer to these questions is yes, we can finally be freed from the comparison trap and start living the life that we were meant to live.