Several days ago I was talking to a friend about our non-existent romantic lives and how we have horribly tremendous luck with men. While we were discussing, my friend said: "Maybe you have high expectations?" So I took the time and thought about what he said to me and really wondered if I have high expectations. In all honesty, I don't think I do and let me tell you why I stand close to my opinion.
What are my high expectations, you may ask? Well, I'm looking for someone funny, kind, understanding, more of an extrovert than I am, and goal-orientated. I don't think that's expecting too much out of a man, but that's only the personality aspect. Physically, I want a man that's tall, dresses well and has a nice smile. That's not too much to ask, is it?
The one aspect that's truly holding me back from finding an actual man that'll like me is the action of comparison. Many moons ago, there was once a boy that I genuinely liked, he wasn't perfect and didn't fall into the mental categories of "my type". He was kind, caring, always knew how to make me laugh, and his smile could light up my day. This boy was perfectly imperfect in my eyes and he could never do any harm. Sadly, I was sixteen-years-old and he had a girlfriend, so it never worked out.
As I've gotten older, I realized that every man I meet and develop any sort of feelings for always ends up being compared to him. He doesn't make me laugh like him or feel the way this boy did when I was sixteen. He has been the expectation that's holding me back from finding someone to be with. I've known this for years and have been completely aware, but never really wanted to acknowledge that fact.
That boy had his flaws and was far from perfect, but his imperfections never really mattered to me. An aspect that holds me back from finding the "one" is weeding out men after viewing an imperfection. I'm not the individual to act like I don't have visual flaws and imperfections because I do. Everyone has flaws, but I'm great at pointing out others well, it's my fatal flaw.
Sometimes I think I still like this boy, but I haven't seen him in years and I don't imagine myself with him at this point in my life. It's impossible to get the comparison of every man to this one boy to stop. I'm twenty-one years old and I still unconsciously like this boy in the oddest way possible.
Now that I'm writing about it, maybe I'll be able to finally get over it and finally stop with the comparisons. Even if I get over it, I'll probably still have horrible luck with the male gender, which will never end. Will I ever have luck with men? Most likely not, but I'll keep hoping for the potential of the future. So, maybe my luck will finally come, we'll just wait and see.
