Do you ever feel like you're talking to someone and your words are quite literally going in one ear and out of the other? Sometimes, I'll be telling my boyfriend a story- that's really very important, ya know like the smoothie I'm about to drink- and he's just nodding and "uh huh-ing" out of habit. It's not just him, it's some of my friends and family, too, and I can't say I'm not guilty of it from time to time.
The way I communicate is to audibly express, organize, and process my thoughts. This means that the people closest to me, unfortunately, have to listen to me drone on about stuff that they really don't need to hear. Ask my mom, I mean I just called her yesterday to tell her that I changed my sheets. It's a way of sharing parts of your life and releasing negative thoughts or feelings, even if the other person didn't ask… whoops.
I know others, however, who feel as though communication needs to have a purpose. When you speak, what is coming from the words you're saying? What are you accomplishing? They want their conversations to be efficient and to the point. When they tell a story, they have already sifted through and discarded the unnecessary details, leaving only the points that are vital to understanding what they want to convey.
Often, this type of person will come across, to me at least, as if they're cutting you off. When they've heard you say enough to respond or offer their point of view, they'll interject that response whether you were done or not. My feelings are easily hurt, and those situations are no exception.
In day-to-day encounters, it's hard to recognize that people like me aren't trying to waste your time, or that the other kind of people aren't trying to hurt your feelings. Our difference in communication styles makes that disconnect seem like a stream that you can almost step across in one leap, but not quite. Like, I hear what you're saying and you hear what I'm saying but we're not understanding one another. Making the effort to learn how another person best communicates will make all the difference in bridging that gap.
Another way to strengthen communication is by picking up on non-verbal cues when engaging in conversation with someone. I'm a big proponent of eye contact, so I automatically assume that if you're not looking at me, you're not listening. You could just be really good at multitasking, but that's not what I'm thinking. Quirks like the distance between the two of you, your facial expressions, and your posture will say a lot more than the words that come out of your mouth. It's important to pay attention to the little things that make a big difference.
The people that you communicate with most are worth you learning what quirks and styles they respond best to. Effective communication is the best way to strengthen a relationship that is suffering from a disconnect.
