Heterosexual, Homosexual, Polyamorous, and even Asexual: Human expression of love and commitment can obviously take on many forms. Household management can also come in a few different versions: One breadwinner or two, one homemaker or shared responsibilities all around.
While most people think this is a new reality, truth is, it really isn’t. This variety has always existed in varying degrees and certainly more or less common depending on which area you lived in.
With this kind of variety, what is “commitment?” How can you define this concept when so many forms of uniting exist?
“Commitment” doesn’t include guidelines about what you must commit to. In choosing to commit, all you’ve done is agreed to provide honesty about expectations, whatever those expectations might be. That’s what commitment really is. There’s no recipe for what you must agree to. No two relationships are the same because people are different.
Following the pattern that worked for someone else verbatim is only acceptable if you and your lover are on that same path and function the same as they did. So if you have an example relationship that you respect and want for yourself, then yes, commit to similar expectations that they did. But if you need to modify something for you and your partner’s comfort, then be willing to do so, and without apology.
Each person involved has to know what they will and will not accept. Everyone has to be honest about whether or not they can provide the things the other person needs.
The only thing every commitment requires is security about everyone’s needs being met. That’s the basics of it. It doesn’t mean you need to know what every day will bring. That’s ridiculous, because you can’t predict these waves any more than they can.
All you can do is promise that you’ll hold on and then follow through. All you can assure anyone is that you’ll love them through their best and worst, and then follow through. No, you should never accept any one being abusive, that’s not what that promise means. It just means that if they have a bad day or month, you won’t lose your attachment or love for them. and in fact you’ll hold on through it and remind them,
“I’m here. I’m your ally.” and they have to do that same for you.
Stop trying to direct love because you look like a man in a canoe shouting commands at the sea.
Let’s hold on and enjoy the ride.
A great resource for advice on “modern traditional” relationships is available here at “Modern Traditional Lady” blog. While the entries are written from a heterosexual female point of view, much of the content can be applied to all relationships since the focus is on meeting needs and keeping passion in our relationships.