Coming To Terms With My Identity
Start writing a post

Coming To Terms With My Identity

I don't know where I fit in...

Coming To Terms With My Identity

"You're not like other black girls."

"What are you, an Oreo?"

"You speak very intelligently for a black girl."

"You're not black enough."

Growing up, I wasn't afraid of who I was - I was this outgoing, spirited little girl who would do her best to make sure that everyone felt as though they belonged. I remember dancing my heart out in kindergarten, I remember forcing my friend to join me because she was the quiet one. I remember getting reports home like, "Diara helped this person today!" or "Diara went out of her way to make someone else feel like they fit in!" or even, "Diara loves to sing around the classroom and have fun".

This idea of an excited and fun girl continued up until middle school. I remember hanging out with a varied group of friends, from white to Hispanic to Asian, but there was one problem. I was the only black girl. I never saw this as a problem, I was still the fun-loving and eccentric girl that I had always been. But everyone around me seemed puzzled by this current situation. "Shouldn't you be sitting with the other table? You know, with the black kids? Don't you want to be with your own kind? You're the whitest black person I ever met." I would hear these things and brush the negativity off when it reality it was getting to me.

Then, sophomore year hit. I was going to a new school (a predominantly white one) and I would reinvent myself as a new person. I was going to be the blackest I could ever be! This plan later failed when I joined the theatre program and soon realized that I was the only African-American person in the bunch. All the other African-Americans were "only good at" sports and failing classes. I was looked at as being even more of a minority.

This only dug me into a deeper hole than the one that I was in. My family didn't help much. I was always the one being projected as, "She gets good grades! She's passing all of her classes! She's applying to scholarships." My aunts, uncles, mother, and father all seemed to hold me above my cousins and brother. I was seen as a good example of what you should do in school. Have you ever witnessed your whole family (people your age) turn against you? Soon I was the quietest one within my entire family. Everyone else seemed to shut me away like I was the recluse. I think that was the breaking point of me. I didn't know where I was to fit in. My family, a group of all African-Americans, kind of turned me away.

So as of right now, I don't know where I fit in anymore. I'm too black to fit in with a certain crowd and then not black enough to fit in with another. I honestly just wish I could join both of the worlds together and show that I'm much more than just my skin tone. I can speak eloquently and be reserved, but I can also get angry and "let my blackness come out". I just wish the world as a whole didn't judge, didn't put this notion in people's heads that you have to be in this group because you all look similar. I wish I could do something to show that I matter just as much as anyone else. That I can be both sides of the coin, that I am an African-American woman and I am proud of it. I just want to know where I belong in the world.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

10 Small Reasons To Smile​

There's always a reason to be happy.

10 Small Reasons To Smile​

It doesn't cost a thing - so smile.

Keep Reading... Show less
11 Songs That Will Hit You In The Feels, No Doubt About It

One of my favorite things to do when it comes to music is making different playlists on Spotify. I find it so fun to go back to old songs, find new ones, and categorize them into my different playlists. We all have that one playlist that we resort to when we are really feeling some type of way — also known as a "feels" playlist. If you have one of these playlists or feel ~inspired~ to make one, here are 11 songs that are a must to add.

Keep Reading... Show less

To My Fellow Girls With Resting B**** Face

A letter to my friends with RBF about understanding your own face and helping others deal with it.

Jupe du Jour

To the girl with resting b**** face:

Keep Reading... Show less

The Boyfriends Of The 2000s

Thank you, J14, for the Posters

J14 magazine

Every girl remembers her first crush. Even if your first crush was the boy in your kindergarten class that ate crayons, your first true love will always be the one that holds the key to your heart. Growing up in the 2000s, everyone knew who your dream guy was. Your family probably still give you grief and your best friends probably still reminisce, so it is impossible to forget your first celebrity crush. You bought a Tiger Beat magazine every chance you could just to read up about what your favorite celebrity was doing. Your room was fully decorated with posters of them, and it wasn't unusual to have fights with your best friends over who was going to marry him. If you were a 90's baby, lucky you because the 2000s were full of boys that were easy to love. I hope you enjoy a walk down memory lane and quickly realize that Bieber was definitely not the first guy with that hair cut. Here are 15 90's baby's first boyfriends.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

20 Things I Learned By The Start of My 20s

No one expects you to have your life together by the time you're 20, because honestly, they didn't either.

Allyson Foutty

We are all often faced with many life challenges throughout the time leading up to our 20s. Before this time, and throughout it, we often look back at the things we've learned and how they've influenced who we are as people today. Some of my biggest influences were some of the challenges I've faced, but they've taught me 20 important things by the start of my 20s.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments