1. Dealing with kids who refuse to speak.
When you get stuck with perspectives like this, all your adorable little questions like “So is anyone here interested in studying abroad?” are met with silence. You try to come back from it by cheerfully moving on, “Well, we have excellent study abroad programs here!” But your confidence is shaken. There’s no coming back from this. The tour is ruined.
2. Constantly telling people that “you get to keep your mailbox all four years!”
Why does anyone care about this? Why do we say this? I maybe got mail a total of 4 times the entire year. And yet, every tour I'd still say it with the same amount of gusto, as if I’m telling them that they get a free puppy upon acceptance.
3. Answering questions about alcohol.
There are always those parents who pry you with questions about what goes on during weekends (“if you know what I mean”.) They just want to make sure their little Jimmy won’t be pressured into anything illegal. So you’re left saying something really confusing about how there are lots of things to do on weekends, but there’s absolutely no pressure to do anything, but of course there are those who choose to drink… At the end of your muddled response you have no idea what you’ve just said and you’re pretty sure the parent thinks your an alcoholic and that the student thinks you’re a shut-in.
4. Crossing the street.
This seems like it shouldn’t be that difficult, but if your campus has roads running through it, crossing one of them with a gaggle of slow-moving prospies behind you can be terrifying. Sometimes angry motorists yell at you from their window… Boy does that ruin the mood of a tour.
5. Prospectives who think you have something to do with their admittance
The number of prospies who have told me that they’re “passionate” about something is ridiculous. If you’re not talking about Doritos, I don’t want to hear that you’re passionate about anything. Especially not volunteer work.
6. Talking about how easy it is to start a new club.
“We have so many clubs! There’s practically a club for everyone here! But if there’s something you feel is missing it’s so easy to start a new club!” This was something I heard over and over again when I was touring schools. I vowed I would never repeat this cliché. And yet, I find myself saying it. I’m ashamed.
7. Walking backwards.
Enough said.
8. Being forced to put on real human clothes.
A lot of us find ourselves at our first class of the day in sweatpants with grime still in our eyes from having just woke up. But when your tour shift roles around you have to like, put on clothes and stuff. Maybe even shower. Man, we are such troopers.
9. Stealing things from admissions
Your relationship with your college is a lot like any relationship. At first it’s all giddiness and excitement: free coffee, free pens, free binders. Pretty soon though the college starts to get a little frigid and expects you to pay for your writing utensils. Working in admissions lets you step back into the honeymoon phase though. In other words, you get a cup of coffee and a pen every time you go in.
10. That rush of pride when your friends say "Hi".
There is no greater feeling than when you’re giving a tour and you run into some friends. You flash back to when you were a high school junior, all terrified and nerdy, and remember how amazing all your tour guides seemed. When they were greeted by their friends you were like “OH MY GOD THIS PERSON IS SO COOL!” Now you get to be that person, and let’s be real: It feels good.
11. Trying to find a way to talk about the dining hall.
You clearly can’t say how you really feel but you don’t want to blatantly lie. You find yourself saying strange things like, “The bread selection is really extensive” and “It’s so great that they only carry name-brand cereal!”
