Nothing says "Welcome to College" like finding out your housing assignment and meeting your roommates. In my case, I was greeted with 675 sq. feet (with less than 135 sq. feet for myself), five strangers (with completely opposite personalities), one bathroom, 1.5 rooms (more like one room and an old broom closet turned into makeshift two-person room), two closets, and 1,116 students in a 1930's building with lingering smells of vomit and mold. I quickly learned that the roommate contract my R.A. provided for us was merely signed by my roommates out of formality, and the conditions would unfortunately be broken shortly after. While my living situation was far from ideal, and I often envied all my peers who had single rooms, I learned a very valuable lesson: How to deal with roommates.
While I cannot consider myself the "Roomie Guru", I proudly hold the title of "The Cleaning Nazi," "The Honest Roommate," and "The Roommate Who Isn't Afraid to Speak Up." It is important to understand, I did not let my living situation dictate the tone of my freshman year, nor should you. I learned more about myself and others living with roommates than I ever have before. To ease your anxiety on what to expect throughout on your first or next year of living with others, I have established The Ultimate College Survival Guide, Volume 1: How To Deal With Roommates. Students, I encourage you to use this to your advantage.
1.When the trash needs to be taken out
Don't: Post a bunch of passive aggressive notes saying "TAKE THIS OUT!!" or, " THIS STINKS, TAKE OUT NOW!" If you don't address the situation face to face, you may come off as immature, shy, or scared.
Do: Be bold. Communication is key to all roommate relationships, so just ask them up front if they can take their trash out. Ex: "Hey do you think you could take your trash out when you're free? I have a fear of roaches and I would hate to maximize the possibility for them to sneak in the room." Tip: No one like roaches or rats; threaten them with these, and they will clean up.
2.When you want more privacy
Don't: By no means let your anger get the best of you. Saying something like, "You are a disgusting sloot, stop bringing people home whenever I want 'me' time. Literally I'm never alone. Do you have any respect for others?" won't get you the privacy you want. Instead, it will most likely get you into a nasty argument and lead to even less privacy.
Do: Be blunt.Understand that your desire for peacefulness and happiness is okay, but before you tell him/her you want more space, make sure you are not being hypocritical. Once that is in the clear, you can say something like "Hey, whenever you want your friends or boyfriend to come over, I'd love a heads up! Between school, work, and my extra-curricular activities, I have had very little time to myself, and I soak up every peaceful minute I can these days" Taa-da, you managed to address everything in a respectful and sympathetic manner.
3.When you find yourself cleaning more than they do
Don't: Everyone likes a party, but no one likes a pity party. So, try to avoid playing victim when you tell them just how disgusting it is to clean up their dirty clothes and moldy food, scrub their mess in the bathroom, clean their dishes, etc... It's gross cleaning up after people, I know, but don't try to make them feel sorry that you actually have a sense a cleanliness and they don't.
Do: Be confrontational. Respectful confrontation shows you know how to deal with sticky situations. When you maturely confront them about the unfair situation, use terms like "shared living space" or "equalize our duties." Another trick is to tell them you have people coming by the room. Often times, people don't want to appear sloppy or dirty in front of strangers, so this will encourage them to clean up their side.
4.When they are eating your food
Don't: Never automatically assume they are eating your food. In fact, most people will never admit to eating someone else's food. They often try to be sneaky in these situations and are embarrassed to fess up to their "crime." By no means should you eat their food as payback.
Do: Make a plan.When suspicions arise that one of your roommates is eating your food, I suggest that you test your theory before you approach them upfront and scream, "STOP EATING MY FOOD!" Label your food and mark how much you have had, leave it untouched for a few days/weeks, and check back. Once you have proof someone has been eating your food, your investigation is complete. You may now peacefully confront them, ask them to stop, or offer to buy them food if they pay you.
5. When you have different sleeping schedules
Don't: Make sure you are not blaring loud music when someone else is sleeping or being obnoxious at 4 a.m. Also, make sure you are not the roommate falling asleep at 8 p.m., making shared space impossible for your peers.
Do: Talk it out. Discuss sleeping schedules from day one. While you may think becoming best friends should be your primary duty, it is not. You may love someone as a person but find yourself unable to live with them cohesively for a multitude of reasons. Everyone loves some good shut-eye, so talk it over to map out potential conflicts and plan ahead.
In short, be honest with whomever you live with, do not have exceptional expectations from them, and establish ground rules without being overbearing. Not everything is going to go your way in your room, and that is perfectly fine. Recognize that everything is a learning experience. Approach situations with confidence, and always remember to be the problem-solving roommate rather than the problem-making one. Now, GO FORTH and BE AWESOME!
