Many times I find myself ruminating on an assignment. Is this essay well-researched? Will I get a good grade on this assignment? I constantly calculate my grades mentally and think about school all the time. I realized the other day, as I sat down to dinner with my friends, how consumed my life is with school: Undergraduate, GRE, Graduate School, rinse and repeat. I wasn't truly in the moment during dinner; I checked for an email from a professor and fretted over a math exam score in my head. I just need to stop. I have such difficulty seeing beyond this moment in my life where everything is uncertain: my career, my home, that I'm not enjoying life. I'm so busy checking responsibilities off a mental checklist that I forget this isn't my whole life, just a fraction. I know I'm not the only one that does this. I hear frazzled students complain about test scores, professors, and final grades on the sidewalks on the way to class.
We all need to take a collective deep breath and stop allowing college to consume our lives.
This doesn't mean that we ignore our responsibilities to school work, but we need to prioritize the facets of our lives so that one doesn't dominate the other. Take a walk and really look at the world around you. When I walked to class last week, I noticed that some of the red tulips planted in the flower beds were already in blooming, beginning to open for the season. A little vibrancy to break up the gloominess of a grey, cloudy sky. Absorb the small joys of life: laughter, tea with friends, and the opportunity to read a good book. These are the activities that represent bliss, that I will remember for the rest of my life, not if I earned an "A" on a project.
There is a certain brand of narcissism that creeps in when we let concerns about school dictate our thoughts. Our problems are so magnified that we become so self-absorbed, and don't realize that others are struggling, too. If you want to get out of a rut and self-pity party, go help someone else, not so that you can see how insignificant your problems are, (this reasoning is problematic for many reasons), but so that you can be productive in someone else's life and put some distance between you and your problems.
You are person worthy of love and support with the potential to make important contributions in society. Your grades, your lack of productivity on Saturdays does not define you as a person. Don't become so consumed with college that you forget that there are other important aspects of your life. This is just a small sliver of your life. Do your homework, take your tests, go to student organization meetings and then be done. Enjoy yourself. You have one chance to be in your twenties, don't squander these moments with divided attention and unnecessary worry.
