From A College Senior At War With Herself

From A College Senior At War With Herself

Wanting to move on and go back all at once
11
views

It is easy to say that as we age we are consistently wanting to be on a different journey in our lives. As a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up and be on my own. Now that I am at that age, I just want to go back. I remember beginning college and just thinking to myself how quickly it'll go by. How one day you'll wake up and it'll all be different. As I sit here on my first day of classes Monday, August 28, 2017, I do not know what to expect. I am beginning my last fall semester of my undergrad and potentially my last fall semester as a student. I am excited and nervous all at the same time.

Part of me can't wait to leave school and begin my life in the outside world. The other part wants to go back and be young again and maybe enjoy life a little bit more while I could. I am excited to be taking the last few classes I need for my degree, and come May, walk across the stage and receive my "fake diploma," till the moment months later when I finally receive the real one in the mail. It will be a proud day, showing that no matter what I have gone through these past years I have persevered and finished strong.

At the same time, I don't feel ready to go out on my own (this maybe more of a fear than an actual reality.) I feel like there is so much more that I could do and I almost don't want to leave. Don't get me wrong, the idea of no longer paying thousands of dollars to receive an education will be gone, but the looming debt from college loans will come knocking. I'll just pray that when that day does come I'm not home.

I'm finally a senior, but at the same time, I wish I could go back.

I don't know how it all went by so fast-- I'm no longer that weird freshman. This year is going to be a challenge in all aspects. This year will be the first time I will not play soccer since I was 4 years old. Physically I can no longer play, but mentally I don't believe it. I missed pre- season and was partially distracted by work and the stress of school beginning. But as I settle back into the comforts of school, I notice it now.

I may not be able to rewind time, but what I can do is make the most of this year. Make the memories count and the fun times last. Work hard and achieve goals while also taking a second to breathe and take one last look around. Four years goes by quick. Hopefully, I can slow this last one down!

Cover Image Credit: Kelsey Hoffman

Popular Right Now

A Senior's Last Week Of High School

The bittersweet end.
24381
views

Well, this is it. This is what we've worked so hard the last four years - who am I kidding - basically what seems like our whole lives for. This is the very last week we will set foot as a student in our high school's hallways. As most schools are getting ready to set their seniors free at last, it all begins to set in - the excitement, the anxiousness, and also the sentiment and nostalgia.

For seniors, the years since our first day as a freshman at the bottom of the high school totem pole have seemed endless, but as we look back on these last few weeks, we realize that this year in particular has gone by extraordinarily fast. It was just yesterday that we were sitting in our classrooms for the very first time, going to our 'last first' practice, and getting our first taste of the (very real) "senioritis". With all that's going on in our lives right now, from sports and clubs, finals, and the sought after graduation ceremony, it's hard to really sit down and think about how our lives are all about to become drastically different. For some it's moving out, and for some it's just the thought of not seeing your best friend on the way to fourth period English; either way, the feels are real. We are all in a tug of war with the emotions going on inside of us; everything is changing - we're ready, but we're not.

THE GOOD. Our lives are about to begin! There is a constant whirlwind of excitement. Senior awards, getting out of school early, parties, and of course Graduation. We are about to be thrust into a world of all new things and new people. Calling our own shots and having the freedom we have so desperately desired since the teenage years began is right around the corner. Maybe the best part is being able to use these new things surrounding you to grow and open your mind and even your heart to ideas you never could before. We get the chance to sink or swim, become our own person, and really begin to find ourselves.

Things we don't even know yet are in the works with new people we haven't even met yet. These friendships we find will be the ones to last us a lifetime. The adventures we experience will transform into the advice we tell our own children and will become the old tales we pass down to our grandkids when they come to visit on the weekends. We will probably hate the all night study sessions, the intensity of finals week, and the overpowering stress and panic of school in general, just like we did in high school... But it will all be worth it for the memories we make that will outlive the stress of that paper due in that class you absolutely hate. As we leave high school, remember what all the parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors are telling you - this are the best times of our lives!

THE BAD. The sentimental emotions are setting in. We're crying, siblings are tearing up, and parents are full-out bawling. On that first day, we never expected the school year to speed by the way it did. Suddenly everything is coming to an end. Our favorite teachers aren't going to be down the hall anymore, our best friends probably won't share a class with us, we won't be coming home to eat dinner with our families...

We all said we wanted to get out of this place, we couldn't wait, we were ready to be on our own; we all said we wouldn't be "so emotional" when the time came, but yet here we are, wishing we could play one more football game with our team or taking the time to make sure we remember the class we liked the most or the person that has made us laugh even when we were so stressed we could cry these past few years. Take the time to hug your parents these last few months. Memorize the facial expressions of your little sister or brother. Remember the sound of your dad coming home from work. These little things we take for granted every day will soon just be the things we tell our college roommate when they ask about where we're from. As much as we've wanted to get out of our house and our school, we never thought it would break our heart as much as it did. We are all beginning to realize that everything we have is about to be gone.

Growing up is scary, but it can also be fun. As we take the last few steps in the hallways of our school, take it all in. Remember, it's okay to be happy; it's okay to be totally excited. But also remember it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be sentimental. It's okay to be scared, too. It's okay to feel all these confusing emotions that we are feeling. The best thing about the bittersweet end to our high school years is that we are finally slowing down our busy lives enough to remember the happy memories.

Try not to get annoyed when your mom starts showing your baby pictures to everyone she sees, or when your dad starts getting aggravated when you talk about moving out and into your new dorm. They're coping with the same emotions we are. Walk through the halls remembering the classes you loved and the classes you hated. Think of the all great times that have happened in our high school years and the friends that have been made that will never be forgotten. We all say we hated school, but we really didn't. Everything is about to change; that's a happy thing, and a sad thing. We all just have to embrace it! We're ready, but we're not...

Cover Image Credit: Facebook

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Hey, Senior, Don't Just Wish Everything Away Just Yet — Enjoy The Moment You're In

The future will be there waiting for you when you get there, so live now.

EmmaS14
EmmaS14
786
views

It's that time again when the senioritis starts to hit a little too hard, and you just can't wait to get the hell out of high school. Along with this comes the ridiculous number of people telling you not to wish it away because you can't ever get those years back. But, I know you're thinking of why you would even want them back in the first place. I am not here to tell you that those four years are the best years of your life — they definitely aren't, but they sure do hold some pretty great memories. Trust me when I say this: you will miss them.

Senior year is the year of all the lasts. At the time, it seemed like there were so many lasts that we would never run out of them. There was practically an unlimited supply of lasts until there wasn't. The hard truth about being a senior is that no one tends to think about the fact that everything is ending until it is already over.

By the second semester, everyone has already picked their school, and the excitement is so exhilarating. The future is so close you can almost reach out and touch it. The only problem with all of this excitement is that it can be so easy to live in it. Your future looks so bright that you're already there mentally. While it's okay to be excited, sometimes you can get so wrapped up in the future that you forget to live. Remember to live in the moment every day because it's something you can never get back.

One day, the lasts will run out.

You will watch your home team play one last game, go to your last dance, walk out of those double doors one more and never go back. You will walk into that gym bearing your school colors one last time in your cap and gown standing side by side with all of your closest friends, and just like that the lasts are over. Those four years that everyone swore wouldn't go by fast are gone. All of the great times become nothing but beautiful memories, and that is all you're left with are memories.

You will never get those times back, so it's time to start living them now. Live your life to the fullest. Most importantly, live for now. Your future is looking so bright — there's no shame in being excited about it — but remember that their future will be there waiting for you when you get there. Slow down, take it all in, and enjoy all of the lasts while you still have them.

EmmaS14
EmmaS14

Related Content

Facebook Comments