College Professor Wants To Put Cargo Shorts In The Constitution

I'm not 100 percent sure how serious ProfessorDaniel Drezner of Tufts University was when he said, "Cargo shorts are an essential part of a man's summer wardrobe and this should be enshrined in the Constitution," but if I had a guess, then it'd be that he was either smoking crack or he's a communist.

Seriously? Cargo shorts in the Constitution? I'm surprised he didn't suggest using the Constitution as toilet paper before burning it in a dumpster fire.

Drezner goes on to try and argue that cargo shorts are acceptable summer attire for men. He says that critics will point out that men want to be like James Bond, who would never wear cargo shorts. But he tries to refute that by saying that men also want to be like Batman. He then compares cargo shorts to Batman's utility belt.

Drezner could not by any more wrong. For one, when Bruce Wayne isn't Batman, he's wearing a suit because he knows how to dress. And cargo shorts could never do what Batman's utility belt can. A grappling gun, choking gas, batarangs and grenades in cargo shorts? Right. And if you're fighting crime while wearing cargo shorts, then you might just be the worst superhero in the world -- even worse than Skateman.

Cargo shorts have been deemed so ugly that some golf courses are even banning them. In 2012, Michael Jordan was wearing the vile things while golfing at a Miami country club. They actually told him to change his shorts. Normally, you'd think a country club would do anything in their power to please a big name celebrity like that. Nope. They would rather be a respectful establishment than pander to celebrities.

Let's just look at this logically. Your average American male probably has about three things on them at all times: keys, a phone and a wallet. Maybe you have a lighter, chapstick or something like that, but you most likely don't have something big enough that it needs its own pocket.

Oh, you're a carpenter or a mechanic and have a ton of tools to carry? Get a tool box. Here's a nice one for $39:

Think about the main reason behind wearing shorts. You're probably wearing them because it's hot out, and you're trying to cool off by wearing less material. So why cargos? The vast majority of cargo shorts end up at or below your knees. They're an inch or two away from being capris, which are just short pants.

Look at this picture. Which guy looks more presentable? Which guy looks classier and more like an adult? The guy in cargos looks like he's trying to be an adult, but he's still stuck dressing like he did in middle school.

I'll make it easy too. Here's a list of why you should never wear cargo shorts.

1. You don't need that many pockets.

2. You're wasting fabric, which proves that you don't care about the environment or conserving resources.

3. They're ugly.

4. It's near impossible to look intimidating in cargos.

5. Other people might start asking you to hold all their stuff.

6. It's impossible to look good while wearing cargos.

7. Shorts weren't invented to carry tons of stuff. That's what utility belts, backpacks and even fanny packs are meant for.

8. Harambe (God rest his soul) never wore cargo shorts.

I will say though, that there are a couple of exceptions to when you can wear cargo shorts. If you're in the military or law enforcement, or if you're a firefighter, emergency responder or anything where you're saving lives or protecting our country and society, then you actually have a need for cargos.

Aside from that though? Don't wear them.

Still not convinced? Watch this video and be inspired to make the change.