For three and a half months our lives are a whirlwind of college-related issues, there isn't time to focus on a world outside of the one we are surrounded by. UMass is the size of a small city, feeling and functioning exactly like one. When I am at school, my main focus is completing my schoolwork, and seeing friends when I can. During finals, the city slowly emptied out, as more and more students finished their semesters. Eventually, I finished my own last final.
Spring 2018 ended being the best semester of my life, and suddenly I too was headed home in the car. It all felt so surreal, even being home it felt all too unreal. All of the sudden I was left with nothing to do. At school, my brain is working 10,000-miles a minute. I constantly have things to think about, work through, and plan. In going home I have very few worries, most may find this as a relaxing concept. But for me I found it to be absolutely terrifying.
I decided over the semester that I would not return to my job from last year, so that meant pending unemployment when I returned. I also have not achieved any internships due to the incredibly recent change in my major, causing me to fall into a little bit of a spiral.
I felt that I did not have a purpose or anything to do. I had a few interviews set up, but that is no guarantee of work. I was also stressed about living at home, as being separated from a lot of my friends isn't how I wanted to spend the summer.
Suddenly I was hit with a reality check and realization regarding how I want to spend my time. It will be a time to work on me, to get back to the gym, to eat healthy (getting out of the dining hall grind), and to get ahead in my academics.
I decided that going to the beach, hiking, working out, and small self-care activities are how I want to spend my free time. In coming home, I was sad and stressed over what my Summer would look like. But it was all in my head, which is something that I struggle with at times.
I try to look too far into the future, but the reality is that we cannot control anything but our daily circumstance. It is about clearing the mentality we create and finding a way to compartmentalize issues that aren't issues at all. My situation is blessed, I get to rest and recoup before I start working on myself and find a job.
I've had time to set goals for myself and create a plan to achieve them. In the past two years, I cannot think of a time where I have just been able to sit and relax with no worries in. Being home this Summer is going to give me space where I can progress in my own health, and recover from the craziness that is life at college.
You bet that I can't wait to get back to Amherst, but for right now I'll gladly take a chair on the beach and not a care in the world.
