LSU is known for many great (and not so great) qualities: an amazing stadium, having a live tiger on campus, fans that smell like corn dogs, etc. However, there is one terrifying quality I would like to focus on: the campus squirrels.
These are not your happy-go-lucky-Sandy-Cheeks-type squirrels. No, these mofos are ruthless.
These squirrels are a hybrid between normal squirrels and satan. I'm pretty sure most colleges also have this epidemic of a demonic squirrel species that terrorizes their campuses, not just LSU. They're so aggressive and large, they could easily make the football team. It honestly seems impossible how to describe their significance, it is just something you have to experience for yourself to understand, but here are some points of what makes LSU's squirrels so terrifying:
Actual footage of me trying to get to class. ^
1. They come out of nowhere
These beasts really do take advantage of the surprise attack. One second you're on your way to Biology, and the next, you're being attacked by a hamster with rabies.
2. Squirrel does what squirrel wants
College is a squirrel world and we're just living in it.
3. They are fearless
They honestly give no f*cks. We are inferior species.4. They are oddly large and muscular
I swear the next MMA fight is going to be between two college campus squirrels.5. They live like kings
I know helpless victims who have had their food stolen right out of their hands by these merciless creatures. By allowing them to terrorize us, we are only helping them to grow stronger.6. Their impressive (alarming) speed
You'd swear these things were running late to a final or something.7. Their intense eye contact
8. They are rapidly multiplying
Soon, they will outnumber us and, eventually, take over. All we can do now is prepare.
