College Horror Story: LSU Squirrels
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Student Life

College Horror Story: LSU Squirrels

Step aside failure, you are no longer the scariest thing about college.

Madison McNulty
Oct 24, 2017
Louisiana State University
427
College Horror Story: LSU Squirrels
Pexels

LSU is known for many great (and not so great) qualities: an amazing stadium, having a live tiger on campus, fans that smell like corn dogs, etc. However, there is one terrifying quality I would like to focus on: the campus squirrels.

These are not your happy-go-lucky-Sandy-Cheeks-type squirrels. No, these mofos are ruthless.

These squirrels are a hybrid between normal squirrels and satan. I'm pretty sure most colleges also have this epidemic of a demonic squirrel species that terrorizes their campuses, not just LSU. They're so aggressive and large, they could easily make the football team. It honestly seems impossible how to describe their significance, it is just something you have to experience for yourself to understand, but here are some points of what makes LSU's squirrels so terrifying:

Actual footage of me trying to get to class. ^

1. They come out of nowhere

These beasts really do take advantage of the surprise attack. One second you're on your way to Biology, and the next, you're being attacked by a hamster with rabies.

2. Squirrel does what squirrel wants

College is a squirrel world and we're just living in it.

3. They are fearless

They honestly give no f*cks. We are inferior species.

4. They are oddly large and muscular

I swear the next MMA fight is going to be between two college campus squirrels.

5. They live like kings

I know helpless victims who have had their food stolen right out of their hands by these merciless creatures. By allowing them to terrorize us, we are only helping them to grow stronger.

6. Their impressive (alarming) speed

You'd swear these things were running late to a final or something.

7. Their intense eye contact

I am JD and the squirrel is The Janitor. The number of times a squirrel has made me feel uncomfortable because of its unwavering glare is, sadly, a lot.

8. They are rapidly multiplying

Soon, they will outnumber us and, eventually, take over. All we can do now is prepare.

9. Their ability to look cute, but are actually vicious rodents

OK, so maybe "vicious rodents" was a bit harsh, but you get the point.
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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