How I Stopped Letting My Past Define My First Semester of College
Start writing a post
Entertainment

How I Stopped Letting My Past Define My First Semester of College

For the first time in your life, you're not your past.

1153
How I Stopped Letting My Past Define My First Semester of College
Sydney Fowler

Picture this: an anxious college freshman moving into her dorm room after crying for months because she didn't want to leave high school. She didn't want to leave all the memories of student body vice president, dance team officer, homecoming court, National Honor Society, dance company, musical theatre geek, student section leader, most spirited and outstanding senior girl behind.

She thinks she peaked in high school. She had great friends, every teacher knew and loved her, and she knew her worth. She was on top of the world when she graduated. And now she's in this cinderblock room with this girl she barely knows and she's stripped of all her titles, all her awards and honors.

She's just Sydney.

Yeah, if you didn't figure it out by now, that anxious college freshman was me. And yes I'm still a college freshman, but at this point, you'll be happy to hear, I'm a little less anxious!

So yeah, by the time I was a senior in high school, I was stressed out to the max but still on top of the fricken world. I walked around my high school (aka the second largest public high school in Ohio) like I ran the place.

Who wouldn't?

I was incredibly involved, got good grades, and mostly everybody in every class knew who I was.

I gave a lot of myself to my school because I did love it and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I wasn't just Sydney Fowler, I was student body vice president, officer on the state champion dance team, National Honor Society member, herd leader, lead in the musical, dancer, homecoming court three times in a row girl.

So, of course, I didn't want to leave high school.

That following summer, if you asked me about college, it took everything in me to not lose it and go full-on panic attack with tears and shaking muscles and everything. On top of the whole "oh my gosh I'm leaving home for the first time" nerves, Miami University was not my first choice, none of my close friends were going there, my longtime boyfriend and I were going to different schools, and I had an awful time at freshman orientation.

Also, add on a history of anxiety and depression into the mix, and, well, you do the math. How could you not be on the verge of an emotional breakdown at any moment?

But like everyone does, I powered through.

And throughout my first few weeks of school, I really struggled. But not in the usual way of constantly feeling homesick and lonely struggles. Yes, I was homesick and a little lonely, but I am an extrovert at heart and by God, I was going to make friends if it killed me. My roommate and I clicked right away, the girls on my floor were (and still are) the best and sweetest girls I know, and I constantly tried to put myself out there to meet people.

So socially, I was doing OK. But on the inside, I was still somewhat of a hot mess because of one question: Who was I? I was just Sydney. And that seemed like the worst thing to be.

This is something I know a lot of college freshmen deal with, but I truly was not expecting it. No titles. No awards. No anything. I was just plain old Sydney Fowler. And for a while, I couldn't see any worth in that. If I'm not going to practice and going to school and going to meetings and going to school events and then studying all hours of the night, then I have no worth. I literally could not see the amazing simplicity of finally, for once, just being free to be me.

Yes, I dominated high school and received all of those titles and awards I worked hard for and am proud of. But unfortunately, it gets to the point where you only see yourself as those things. All of that is taken away, and you have to start out fresh in a new school with new people in a new city; you're lost. If I wasn't what I was in high school, I was nothing. I was worth nothing.

I know, dark, right? Good news though. Now that it was just me with no extra responsibilities other than going to class, I had time to figure out where my worth was. I finally had time to pray, to go to Mass, to read the Bible, and to listen to God. And guess what? I finally found my worth in what it was the whole time.

I was raised Catholic, went to church on Sundays, and was a believer in Jesus Christ, but it took my whole world being turned upside down to actually realize that by being a daughter of Christ, I had more worth than I knew what to do with. All throughout high school I just piled on the titles because then, I was good enough.

Then, I was worthy of love. Ha. Nope. I am enough and have been enough and worthy of love since the day of my birth because I am a child of God. Isn't that dope? I still can't get over it. I am much more relaxed now and a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I am Sydney Elizabeth Fowler, and I am good enough and worthy of love just because I am me and a child of God. Now fill in your name and say it out loud. It feels good, doesn't it?


Song of the week: "One Foot" by Walk the Moon

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

Where To Find The Best Coffee Drinks In America, According To A Survey

Here's the coffee shop where you should get your morning brew.

70110

Coffee, for billions of people, is one of the only things that can get us out of bed (after hitting snooze a time or two), especially in 2020. Because, if we're being honest, is there anything that beats a quality cup of coffee on those mornings when all we wanted to do is roll over and go back to sleep? The answer is no. And if you're headed to a coffee shop to pick up your caffeinated beverage, you don't want to sleep on the best coffee drinks in America.

According to LiveShopper Sassie's Coffee Project survey, when it comes to chain coffee shops, there are definitely preferred spots you'll want to hit up for your go-to order — whether you order the classic, frozen, or flavored coffee, an espresso, tea, or other. To figure out the hot spots, 1,000 coffee drinkers across the United States took to LiveShopper's mobile app, PrestoShopper, to answer various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Odyssey Template: 25 Questions For My State's Elected Officials

"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We fought for these ideals, we shouldn't settle for less."

9154

Whether you're interested in how democracy works, how stop signs get installed, or anything in between, this is your opportunity to ask questions. This is your opportunity to show current and future members of your community what, in your opinion, is most important as your town, city, and state are trying to put the best, most effective practices forward.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Survey: Which Issues Are The Most Important To You In The 2020 Election

If you're a first-time voter or voting by mail for the first time, we want to hear your story.

28087

The general election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, will decide not only the next president of the United States but also which political party controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. Young and first-time voters will play a crucial part in determining the result.

Keep Reading... Show less
Tips

Articles To Write If You're All About Saving More Money, And Waking Up A Little Bit Earlier

Get your day started right — and keep that budget tight.

190650

For all the young professionals, parents, and students out there who've been working, learning, or even teaching remote — 2020 has likely been the longest year of your life. If you didn't know (sorry), we've been locked down for over 200 days now, and chances are, you are ready for it to be OVER.

Keep Reading... Show less

Who is ready to fa-la-lall in love with holiday-themed sex toys that will make you jingle all the way? If you're biting your lip and your legs are quivering with excitement, hold on to Santa's sleigh reins because there are so many ways to celebrate the season.

Festive sex toys are here to bring you some holiday cheer. From candy cane flavored everything to bright red bows, there is fun for everyone. Feel free to treat yourself or add these 15 festive sex toys to your wish list.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

How Much Of A Coffee Snob You Are, Based On Where You Live

Your state may determine how picky you are about your coffee.

114266

When it comes to coffee, everyone has different criteria for what goes into their "perfect cup." Some caffeine lovers, though, are extra particular when it comes to their beloved beverage. One survey found that the state you're from (or the one you live in now) may play a part in determining how much of a coffee snob you actually are.

LiveShopper Sassie, the company behind this Coffee Project survey, received input from 1,000 coffee drinkers via their mobile app, PrestoShopper, to ask various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

7 Reasons 'Hubie Halloween' Is A Must-Watch Halloween Film For October Movie Nights

Just knowing it's an Adam Sandler movie, you can assume it's funny but very ridiculous.

1008
Netflix

"Hubie Halloween" was just released on October 7. It follows Hubie Dubois in Salem, Massachusetts, on Halloween. He patrols the town to make sure people are safe. He's the kindest and caring person in the town and also the most bullied.

This poor man is scared of everything. He screams when he sees scary decorations and when people prank him. Definitely a laugh, but when I watched it, I felt bad for him. The one person that pulled at my heartstrings is Violet Valentine, a woman he had a crush on since high school. She's super nice to him and stands up for him when she can. It was great seeing someone, other than his grandma, on Hubie's side.

Keep Reading... Show less

While this is my first ever presidential election, I have voted before in others, including at least one other "off" year election. I can honestly say that one of the things that made voting for the first time interesting was that I personally don't really identify myself with either party completely.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

7 Ways You Can Volunteer Virtually In The Middle Of The COVID-19 Pandemic

Use that anxious energy from dreading the rest of 2020, and put it towards volunteering

437

Life has shifted from face-to-face to face-to-screen-to-face this past year. There's no need, though, to wait out the pandemic to make a difference from home. Rather than spending the unexpected free time the rest of this year dreading each day, use that same energy towards volunteering from the comfort of your bed or couch or patio.

Here are seven ways you can volunteer safely and virtually during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

5 Hilarious Netflix Specials To Binge If You Need A Laugh In 2020

Netflix specials are single-handedly keeping my spirits high.

375
Netflix

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have re-watched these comedy specials over the course of the last seven months.

What I can tell you is how absolutely great these comedians are. They bring me joy when I am sad, bored, or wanting to tune into something while I work on school or my virtual job.

Keep Reading... Show less
Netflix

"Emily in Paris" is one of the newest Netflix original series and it began streaming on the platform on October 2.

I knew this was going right to the top of my watch list because I have a serious girl crush on Lily Collins, it's from the creator of "Sex and the City", and the plot feeds directly into my "Mamma Mia" fantasy of just hopping on a plane and killing it in a whole new country. Not going to lie, the series has its slightly cringe-y moments, but that honestly makes me love it even more.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

10 Songs We All Need To Add To Our Fall Roadtrip Playlist

This songs are guaranteed to make you feel like the main character this fall.

430
Photo by averie woodard on Unsplash

One of the best feelings is driving with the windows down. Listening to the right song makes that experience even better. If you want to feel like the main character in your own teen movie, listen to these feel-good classic songs right away.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments