As I make my way through college, I find myself continuously picking myself up and dusting myself off every time a “relationship” can’t survive the college culture. I guess in this day and age the journals you used to keep about your crushes become listicles you slyly reference guys in. I’m not here to talk about how young and immature college guys are (that’s overdone). Plus, we women have a lot to learn too. I’m here to present you with a list of what I've learned about the opposite sex during my time at college.
1. You’re not going to find the perfect guy. So stop trying.
I’m a maximizer; I’m always looking for better. I need to learn how to accept the 80 instead of always looking for that extra 20. He’s not out there.
2. Breakups are hard, not drunk calling your ex is even harder.
Pretty self-explanatory; throw college drinking habits into the mix after a failed relationship (with lingering feelings) and things can get pretty funky.
3. Learning how to (classily) handle a break up is as important as learning how to be in a relationship.
I've learnt something about myself. When I’m hurt I try and hurt the person that hurt me (without realizing). Which really isn’t a good strategy. I’m working on that.
4. I'm not sure I want to meet the guy I’m going to marry at college. I’m not ready.
I used to have this expectation that I would meet the guy I would eventually marry in college. My school has like 40,000 contenders, after all, there must be a winner somewhere in there. But the truth is, I can’t even stick to a major right now, let alone, one guy…for the rest of my life.
5. Embrace vulnerability. It’s okay to let your guard down.
It seems like my guard gets stronger and stronger the more accustomed I get to the frat guy species. Sometimes I feel like I need to step back and tell myself it’s okay to have feelings, it’s natural. College culture tends to dry out any form of human emotion that doesn’t correlate
6. You can’t expect things to be fun and exciting 24/7.
If you’re not happy with a guy unless you’re going on extravagant dates all the time rethink your relationship with him. Leave it to my mom to explain this perfectly. And I quote “a work of art has a focal point and negative space to direct your eye to it. You need the negative space to make it work.”
7. It doesn’t matter how attractive you find him if you lack common interests.
For some reason, I’m attracted to country guys. I don’t know if it’s because I was deprived growing up in Australia or what. But regardless, if a relationship lacks common interests, no matter how compatible you feel that you are, it’s probably not going to make it long term.
8. Men lie, probably sometimes without even meaning to. Don’t take it personally.
I would never promise something like “I’ll always love you.” Men, however, are different. They throw that sh*t around without thinking. I don't think they're able to evaluate the potential outcome of what they say before it leaves their mouth. Either that or they have trouble making sense of their feelings.
9. If he doesn't encourage you to be the best version of yourself he's probably not the right guy.
If you're just following him down the path of cheap thrills (parties and drunken nights) but doing nothing for each other's personal development, it's probably not the best relationship for either of you.
10. Men have feelings too; most just won't show them.
I'm a very honest, blunt, straight to the point person. Sometimes I forget that underneath all that masculinity, men are capable of feelings too. Always be kind. Even to the frat guys who appear heartless.
