I would say I am someone who is a pretty strong Christian. I am an officer in a Christian sorority, I participate in a large campus ministry, and most Sunday nights you'll find me in church. I check off all the stereotypical boxes. But I won't lie, at the end of the day, I really tend to question God. I have struggled since becoming a Christian with having full trust in God's plan for my life. I am stubborn and like to think I have full control, when in reality that never is (and never will be) the case.
Lately, I've struggled even more than usual with trusting my faith. I feel like God is pulling me 100 different directions and to be quite honest, I'm not sure which way I am supposed to go. We live in a world where we get thousands of mixed messages everyday, and it can be hard to decipher it all. Life can get super overwhelming and truly feel like we are 6 feet under.
There's been a lot more unexplainable gloomy days than sunny ones in my life over the past few months, I think adding to my constant need for grasp and control over my life. But lately I've started to question: are all those rainy days because of the fact that I'm holding on to something so tight that is out of my control?
God isn't superman; I'm guilty as charged of treating Him like he is sometimes. I pray and pray that the situations I'm in that are difficult, God will take me out of. Yet I fail to remember and consider that I may be in those situations to learn a hard but necessary lesson in my life. God only puts us through what we can handle, and in those gloomy days, I have to trust that there is a reason God puts hard seasons in my life.
Trusting God is hard, I know it firsthand. I won't sit here and tell you that you have to, because I often don't. My anxieties take over my mind so quickly and make me worry for so much of my day about little things. Over the past few days, I've come to a realization. Grasping so hard for power over our lives is exhausting. I will say this: God doesn't want us to spend our life worrying. He wants us to live and lead a life filled with joy and love.
As hard as it is, I have to sit back and remind myself that God's plan for my life is way better than any plan I make for it myself. He has formed everything so intricately and carried us to the moment we are in now. I've made it this far, and have to be reminded that I'll make it even further. But I don't have to do it alone. Trusting God can be really scary, but when I do, life is filled with a few more sunny days.
