Okay, so I have like, a total confession. I've seen Clueless, maybe 15 times. "But I'll be 16 in May. And as someone older, can I give you a little advice? It is one thing to be laced at a party, but it is quite another to be fried all day."
Sigh. Cher, you always have such good advice. Here are seven things Clueless taught me about life.
1. Always. Take. Polaroids.
"I don't rely on mirrors, so I always take Polaroids"
Kim K does it, and she was Paris Hilton's closet girl. What more do you need to be convinced that your outfits deserve proper documentation, and you deserve to know if something truly looks good on you? Yeah, I know, probably a closet like Cher that none of us have. Never mind.
2. If the boys you're around are enough to make you go "As, if!" then please don't pretend to like them just to be taken.
If Cher taught us one thing it's that it's okay to have "major attitude about high school boys" or anyone that's in your circles of life now. Sometimes searching for what you want really is "as useless as finding meaning in a Pauly Shore movie", because sometimes things just don't work out. Even when you're doing your best but falling for people who aren't into you. And that's O.K. Throw on your Calvin Klein dress & it'll all be alright.
3. Makeovers are therapeutic
"Cher's main thrill in life is a makeover. It gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos"
OK RELATE. It wasn't until college that I started to understand that glow ups are the best comebacks, and sometimes all I need for a mood boost is hair extensions and Neutrogena lip gloss. Seasons change, things happen, and 90 percent of what happens to you in your day is decided by things out of your control. There's something about feeling put together with your look that can fool you into thinking you're more put together with your life.
4. The dating "Rules" don't always work, even if you're Cher Horowitz.
"When a boy comes over, always have something baking."
"Talk to someone in his eye line, preferably a boy. Make it look like you're having a good time and that you're really popular. Make him come to you. The key is to always leave him wanting more."
"He said Wednesday so in boy time that meant Thursday."
Cher basically sounds like every relationship expert from 2005. And while some of this is true, it doesn't stop the fact that even the best of us get things completely wrong. From Christian's sexual orientation to Elton's social climbing tendencies, it's proof that sometimes you may follow the textbook perfectly, but people are still unpredictable, and you end up in the middle of the Valley, robbed with alcohol spilled on your heels, and in need of Josh to come to save you. Tragically relatable.
5. Occasionally, you'll walk by a gorgeous fountain and it'll light up at the exact moment you realize that you're in love with Paul Rudd.
Ok, so that's never happened to any of us because we're all not as lucky as Cher, but we've all had that moment where we realize that we're catching feels. For Cher, it's when she's upset, and she's able to finally get past her Cluelessness and realizes for an entire year she's been doing things because of Josh's advice, like taking Tai under her wing or helping with the beach disaster relief fund. He's been the sole source of inspiration for her good deeds to finally affect people other than herself. This may seem trivial, but next time you realize the guy you met a year ago has never really left your mind & is kind of super hot, you'll realize you just had a Cher by the fountain moment.
6. Clothes come before boys? We hate to admit it.
Ok, this one is probably just reserved for me and Cher. While the rest of the school was concerned about who they were going to kiss at the next party, Cher was freaking out about how guys in her 90's generation dressed. No wonder I'm obsessed with this movie. And not that we're haters, but when you're 16 and guys are wearing "greasy hair" and hammer pants? Breaking in my "purple clogs" just became a lot more important.
7. OH! And It does NOT say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty!
Thank you very much.
Cher, Mr. Hall may have said this argument was unconvincing, but we completely agree. If only partying with the Haitians & all other immigrants were just as easy as redistributing the caviar at your Daddy's 50th birthday.
