Being a military brat is tough, especially moving constantly in high school made it harder for me to build friendships with people. I graduated from high school on May 20, 2016. As I am reflecting on how different I am from high school to now I realized how much I struggled with making friends. I moved multiple times during high school so, by the time my senior year in high school came around I didn't have any close friends. My peers around me already had their group of friends and I felt as I didn't fit in with anyone. I felt out of place because they would start talking about things that happen in their group during freshman, sophomore, and junior year. I couldn't join in the conversation sometimes because I couldn't relate to them. The only way I made friends throughout high school was through concert band, orchestra, and marching band. So I was that typical band geek in high school. I used band as a crutch for me in order to make friends because that is the only way I found something in common with people.
But as I was applying to college I realized something important band has been part of my life for ten years now at that point. But it won't be part of my life forever, I have to move on. So by the first semester of senior year after I applied to so many colleges with a marching band, I had to apply to a few more colleges that didn't have a marching band. It was the only way that I wouldn't tempt myself as using it as a crutch in college. I knew I needed to move on. By the time I got accepted to the college I am attending, it was one of the very few that didn't have a marching band. So on decision making day I wrote my name down on the little paper that was shaped like a graduating cap on where I was going to college, and suddenly I felt as I made a mistake. I spend a lot of time thinking what is the best for me, do I go to a college with a marching band and use it as a crutch? Or do I go to a college without a marching band and discover who I am without that crutch? As my very last band concert came around during May 2016, I realized I made the right decision on choosing the current school I am attending. Even though I cried after my last band concert because I realized on how much a impact all my music directors have made on me during the last ten years. But it was a way for me to say goodbye to a chapter in my life and start a new one.
Going to college in a different state without a marching band, and not having my family around me or my friends from my senior year of high school has made me discover a lot about myself. I realized I enjoy a lot of other things than music, such as going to political seminars, taking the opportunity to go to museums, and other events in my area. Also meeting people who weren't involved with their music programs at their high school they graduated from. It is bitter sweet when I go through my old sheet music, or play my flute or viola every once in a while. But letting go of my crutch has helped me spread my wings and discover more about myself. So leaving to a different state and letting go of using music as a crutch me for has forced me to be independent, make friends that I have different things in common with, and I am still discovering myself as a person.
