Cliché New Year's Resolutions As Told By The Office | The Odyssey Online
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Cliché New Year's Resolutions As Told By The Office

It's just a new year, easy killer.

Kristen Gmerek
Dec 28, 2015
Michigan State University
16
Cliché New Year's Resolutions As Told By The Office

I'd like to thank the ever-inspiring characters from "The Office" for perfectly emulating my feelings when I hear the following "New Year's Resolutions"... (Cue The Office Theme Song).

"I am going to workout more."

Chances are if you didn't workout on December 31st, you won't workout on January 1st. But if you find yourself on a streak longer than a month, I would consider that a victory. After all, haters are our motivators...


"I want to eat healthier."


This is usually the person who just ordered Jimmy John's and is only driven by the guilt that they are starting to forget what a carrot tastes like. The rest of us will humbly accept their verbal attempt at neglecting their "go-to" take out orders in the midst of a "New Year Crisis".


"I want to raise my GPA."

First of all, if you are a person rocking a 3.5 or higher then I think we need to reevaluate our friendship based on this statement. For me, if you are not failing or requiring five more semesters to finish your four year degree, then I think you might as well scratch this "revolutionary" thought all together.

"I want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend."

I'm with Dwight on this one.

"I want to save more money."

Yes, saving money is important, especially as a college student. But let's be real, that bank account is just a semester full of drunk food and "drinks on me" at the bar waiting to happen.

"I want to find a new hobby."


Here are a few ideas for those seemingly bored with their current hobbies: knitting, karate, drinking, baking, reading, drinking, singing, drinking, running, drinking, and oh yeah, drinking.

"I want to read more."

So those two textbooks you chose not to look at the entire semester weren't worth it, but after seeing how that failed you miserably you now decide it's time to crack out your Harry Potter novels? Yikes.

AND FINALLY...

"I want to procrastinate less."


And because this is usually said by the friend who procrastinates the most, I have nothing to say besides let's talk at the end of this next semester, homie.

In the end, I do not want to suppress the excitement and transformational appeal that comes with seemingly "committing" to a New Year's Resolution. So get out there, live those fleeting dreams, and I'll see you for another round of Cliché resolutions next year.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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