We all have gone through some kind of breakup in our life, and if you haven’t, consider yourself lucky. Personally, after getting my heartbroken, I need time to just be sad. It is vital to my being to have several nights of crying into a gallon of ice cream while watching Nicholas Sparks movies. So please, if you do anything for me after my world comes crumbling down, just let me have that. I don’t want your advice, and I surely do not want to hear you say any of the following phrases to me.
1. “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Okay lets pause a second. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but to be fair, it took me 19 years of my life to catch just one. So yes, I know there are others, but am I going to be able to go catch the biggest, most beautiful fish tomorrow? No, probably not. More importantly, at this point I really do not want any other fish. I was plenty happy with the smelly fish that I had, and now that he is gone, I am not quite sure if I want to deal with any other smelly fish just yet.
2. “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
I am a firm believer in this quite honestly. I think that if you are meant to get a job, are supposed to be with someone, or should eat the whole pizza, then it will happen. But after a breakup, I am not so fond of the saying. I am too busy wondering why it didn’t happen. This phrase only keeps me hanging onto to what could be, but honestly probably won’t be. So please, just help me let go and not hold onto something that I shouldn’t be waiting for.
3. "Time heals all wounds."
I’m sure we have all heard this one a time or two. Does time really heal all wounds? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I think that we love people through our lives and some of those loves really never leave us. Perhaps we grow to be okay without someone, but in my opinion, there are always people that you sometimes cringe from sadness or regret when you think about them. Like I said before, immediately after a breakup, I want my time to be sad and to feel heartbroken. So even if time does heal all wounds, I don’t want you to tell me that, because I am not ready to be healed. Maybe next week, maybe next year I will be ready. But it is up to me to determine my healing timeline.
4. “It was for the best.”
My personal favorite. No. I really, really, really don’t want to hear that. I laughed more with that person than I ever have in my entire life, so you telling me that, “Its for the best,” only makes me think you don’t want me to ever laugh again. And sure, I know this isn’t what you mean, but that's how I am going to take it. I was at my best with this person, I was elated, alive, and happy. So I really am not going think that us breaking up is the best thing that could have happened, and really, I don’t want you to think that either.
I understand that when people say these things, they truly mean well. And I will admit, I have fallen victim of saying one or two of these sayings to my friends a time or two. Did I say these things because I meant them? No, I said them because I didn’t know what else to say.
To be quite honest, helping a friend after a breakup is hard because there really isn’t anything that you can say to make them feel 100% better. I have learned that the best thing to do is be there for them and to tell them that it is totally normal and acceptable to be sad. And if you are going to give them anything, let it be ice cream, not cliche advice.
