In college, we have come to know that school cancellations are few and very far between but more than welcome when they do happen. Recently, though, we have all gotten our hopes up too high for Mother Nature to pull through for us way too many times. So instead of speculating about snow chances, checking Fox News every three minutes, and refreshing our e-mails every two minutes, I have taken it upon myself to come up with the Will-Classes-Get-Cancelled Calculator (WCGCC, for short). It is very simple.
Take this test late the night before said potential snow day. Follow the directions, and add and deduct points if the answer is yes. If your score is over seven, you will at least get to sleep in. If the score is over ten, you have yourself a free day!
1. Is it snowing outside? Add one point.
2. Is it expected to keep snowing through 10 a.m.? Add two points.
3. Do you have a test tomorrow? Deduct three points.
4. Do you feel as though your life would be enhanced greatly by an off day? Deduct two points.
5. Has your nightly watching of Letterman been interrupted by the local news screaming about dangerous weather at least four times? Add four points.
6. Is there a water line break on campus? Add five points.
7. Has hell frozen over? Add one point.
8. Do you go to Ole Miss? Deduct seven points. It is not a perfect system, but I am still getting my bearings in this meteorological field.
Long story short, the odds of us getting out of class for any reason are terribly low. Not all hope is lost, though. Some day it will happen, and we will all celebrate with a tasty glass of something and a lot of Netflix. Or dominoes. Or mindless gambling on how many times you can hit your neighbor's dog with a snowball. I don't judge.
If you are an eternal optimist, please, by all means try to keep the hopes of the entire campus up. Tell us pessimists there is always a chance that the roads will be icy, we will find a blanket of snow covering the Grove, and the crazy weatherman on NBC News will not be lying.
So for the next time the temperature drops into the mid 40s and people in the south begin to talk about snow, pull out the ol' abacus and figure out for yourself whether or not we will have class.
Hint: we will. Probably.
