Last year, I knew exactly what I would be doing with my life. Not just what major I wanted, although, I did know exactly what I was going to major in during college. I went further, though, and knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. I aimed to be a book editor and use my French and English majors to go into technical editing after going to grad school. Yet this semester, disenchantment hit. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life anymore. I still loved the idea of being a book editor. I still loved reading. I just couldn't feel any passion towards the courses I had to take this semester. They were amazing, but they didn't excite me the way courses I would love should. They didn't inspire feelings of amazement at how awesome my major is. It was then I realized maybe my major wasn't for me.
Anyone looking at me or talking to me could see the marked difference in how secure I felt about the future. Last year at advising with my French advisor, I came fully prepared with my whole scheduled planned to a t. I knew exactly what I would be doing in the future and had a plan set up for study abroad. I even had which courses I would take when planned so that there was no confusion I would graduate on time. This year my advisor had to practically drag me through the process of selecting my courses. The process was a mess. She picked almost all my classes for me because I simply no longer had any clue what I wanted to take. After I realized my uncertainty would only make me more anxious for my future, I went to the Career Center where I narrowed my search by finding majors and jobs that not only fit who I am, but who I want to be. I still have a lot of options, and I'm focusing mostly on getting my general education classes out of the way and experiencing as much as possible to narrow my search even further.
The worst part about this for me is not the work I have to put in to figure out where my life is headed now, though there is a lot of work that goes into figuring out what classes to take when you aren't on a specific path with courses laid out in a nice, neat order. The hardest for me is the uncertainty. Everyone in college seems to know where they are going, and how they plan to get there. They are preparing for the real world and doing so in decisive and ready movements. And here I am confused and unready. But the important thing for me to remember--and I strive to remind myself of this everyday--is that I may not be ready today, but that's the point of college: to get ready, and remember that people are all starting at different places of readiness so there is no need to compare myself to them.
