Not once did I in my early teens did I ever think that I was going to suffer from anxiety. Well, I did when I turned 17. I started getting worried, paranoid and thinking constantly about the smallest things. I never really wanted to be a part of anything in big groups because it stressed me out. I cried day and night wishing it would disappear. So people started to notice that I was not coming to social events, family gatherings and just being straight absent.
People started to get concerned and when they would ask I would tell them I have anxiety, and I just don’t want to do anything because I don’t like feeling the way that it makes me. Basically, I was letting the anxiety take over my body and letting it own me. It was to the point where I would say “my anxiety” every time I talked about it. Which in my head at the time sounded fine to me. But looking back and letting the evil of my anxiety basically take my life in its hands.
Luckily when I graduated high school things definitely started to light up. I surrendered myself and went to God about it. I started going to counseling, where instead of storing the issues in my head and letting it eat me up inside to rather talk it out. It made me feel lighter inside for one thing, and it made me realize something.
Something that I didn’t think I wanted to admit in high school, but after laying it out to God and asking for help I got my answer that I was doing wrong by saying “my” and letting it define me. I don’t want to define it as my own because I see it as evil.
No part of me is evil so I won’t let it take ownership; I make it sit on the sidelines. Having this anxiety wasn’t to punish me nor a gift so I don’t need to keep it or treat it like it’s important. It’s not important at all, and not having it treated like it was needed was a relief.
To all who struggle just as I once I did don’t claim it; it’s not your identity! Everyone including myself can take that one step away and start your real life. The life that is made to live where anxiety isn’t present. I haven’t claimed anxiety as mine since I gave it to my faith and I feel like a new person inside. Don’t claim what you don’t want to own.
Anxiety has no ownership of me so I look at it as this anxiety instead of mine. People can definitely see the difference in me and how I approach things, and just know that it’s so good for me to unravel things that I couldn’t do before.
I owe it all to God for giving me the faith to change my life around and love myself.
