Cigarette Daydreams

Cigarette Daydreams

My odd fascination with cigarettes
14
views

Hi, my name is Janina and I have an odd fascination with cigarettes. Now, disclaimer, I have never touched a cigarette in my life, let alone any other drugs.

I grew up having the facts of how terrible cigarettes and other drugs are practically drilled into my head; from countless health class projects to specialist lectures. My mother works with cancer patients and my stepfather has been smoking (and has tried pretty much all sorts of tobacco/nicotine products) since he was 14.

I know how terrible cigarettes are and how they, by scientific fact, will destroy your health. I grew up with people around me telling me that cigarettes aren’t cool and don’t look cool. There was never a moment that I can remember that cigarettes were portrayed in a positive light.

However, there are specific times in my life where I can remember being drawn into the captivation of cigarettes. One of the first was when I was Googling photos of cigarettes for a health poster project in middle school. I stumbled across a DeviantArt piece of a girl with headphones on, staring at a computer screen in a dark room, looking bored, her hands supporting her head; a lit cigarette dangling from her lips; an ashtray on the table. I have a crappy memory, but I remember the drawing so clearly. I had such a strong fondness for that drawing, that I cut it off of the poster after the class and saved it.

Another time, when I was 13 or 14, after an art camp during the summer, I would walk through the Washington State Convention Center to get to my mom’s work so I could drive home with her; I found a photograph on the wall there that particularly interested me. It was called “Dante Monument, Naples”, from Stan Raucher. Whenever I could, I would take some time out of my trip to go visit that photo hanging on the wall. It just made sense to me. It resonated with me. A couple months after the art camp program ended, when I was visiting downtown, I was disappointed to find out that my favorite photograph had been cycled out and replaced.

It wasn’t until 2014 that I had begun to consciously realize my odd fascination with cigarettes and smoking. My family and I were visiting relatives in Austria; there was some type of festival going on. One of the vendors there carried gum cigarettes (like candy cigarettes, but they were made out of bubblegum), and I bought two boxes without second thought. A bubblegum-cigarette dangled from my lips for the rest of the night, and it sounds silly, but it felt relieving and almost natural to have it in my presence, fiddling with it when it wasn't near my mouth. Of course my siblings gave me crap and keep pulling the “Mom, Janina thinks she’s a smoker!” bit. I still have the majority of the second pack camping out on my desk at home.

I’ve also attained the “skill” of being able to tell the quality of cigarettes just by the smell. Most cheap, American cigarettes are gross to me. The good ones are European. Every now and again, lurking the halls of Chinese international students, I will get a whiff of the best smelling cigarettes and I find myself standing outside of the door of a certain apartment for at least 5 minutes before I realize I need to snap out of it and keep moving. It’s a comforting smell to me, especially when I’m stressed.

Now that I’m in university, every now and again when I become really overwhelmed, and I get a whiff of the “good stuff”, I feel drawn into the scent and I just want to stand next to the smoker and enjoy the second hand smoke. Either that or I think about buying a pack for the next hour or so.

I have racked my brain countless times, trying to find the reason why I have this attraction and fascination with cigarettes; where did it come from, why do I have it? I probably won’t touch them anytime soon, because I feel like if I do, there is no going back. Also I have to keep reminding myself that if I start smoking, then basically I waste my money on smokes rather food, which as a foodie, is a very unappealing idea to me.

Popular Right Now

Global Amusements Market 2018 by Manufacturers - Compagniedesalpes, Merlin Entertainment Group, Seaworld Entertainment, Universal Studios

Global Amusements Market Size, Status and Forecast 2025
144
views

The report on Amusements Market offers an overall analysis of the market. This was achieved with the help of the consecutive data that was collected, the comprehensive qualitative insights, and the statistical data of the market. 

Download Free Sample report @ https://www.fiormarkets.com/report-detail/177606/request-sample

The report covers global major leading industry players with information such as company profiles, product picture and specifications, sales, market share and contact information. Amusements industry development trends and marketing channels are analyzed. To verify the collected data attentive studies and researches were conducted and reliable methodologies were used. Commercial experts were consulted and their opinions were taken into consideration while making studies of the market.

The report provides a basic overview of the Amusements industry including definitions, classifications, applications and industry chain structure. And development policies and plans are discussed as well as manufacturing processes and cost structures.

Geographically, this report is subdivided into several key Regions, with production, revenue (million USD), consumption, and market share and growth rate of Amusements in these regions, from 2012 to 2022 (forecast). 

This independent Amusements report guarantees you will remain better knowledgeable than your competitors. The report presents a visual, one-stop breakdown of the leading products, submarkets and market leader’s market revenue forecasts as well as analysis to .

Access full report @ https://www.fiormarkets.com/report/global-amusements-market-size-status-and-forecast-2025-177606.html

Reasons for Buying this Report

This report provides accurate analysis for changing competitive dynamics

The report has a perspective of looking forward towards different factors driving or restraining market growth.

It provides a technological growth map over time to understand the industry development rate.

It provides a seven-year forecast analysis on the basis of how the market is predicted to grow

It helps in understanding the leading product divisions and their future

It help organization experts and individual for taking informed business decisions by having complete insights of market and by making in-depth analysis of market segments.

It provides different graphics and SWOT analysis of major market segments


Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

We So Often Rush Our Lives That We Forget To Enjoy It

We rush almost everything we do. We rush into things. We rush time. We rush to get somewhere.
71
views

Rush. We rush almost everything we do. We rush into things. We rush time. We rush to get somewhere. We rush through assignments. We rush to get ready in the mornings. We rush to get to work or school, and we rush to get home. We rush through the week to make it to the weekend. We rush through the winter to make it to the summer. We as humans are always in a rush.

We even rushed to grow up. And now we would do anything just to go back to when it didn’t feel like time was running away from us like we weren’t trying to grasp it just to watch it slip back out of our hands again. Time seems like it went so much slower when we were young. It felt like there were so many hours in the day. Now I feel like there are walks I haven’t walked, laughs I haven’t laughed, songs I haven’t sung.

Don’t you ever wish you could just slow down? Don’t you wish you could just be still and be present? I get tired of being in a rush all the time. Obviously, there are things we can do to not be in such a rush; perhaps we could wake up on time, leave the house earlier, etc. But what about the things we can’t change? We can’t help anticipate the future. We can’t help rush through the bad just to get to the good, even though that bad is what is preparing us for what good is held for us. I am world’s worst about rushing things; I always want the rainbow without the rain... As does anybody.

I just wish for stillness. I feel like stillness is fake. Being alive means constant change, and I really wish I could just be still. Everything is moving all of the time, so even if I feel stagnant, I am definitely moving in some godforsaken direction.

Life moves so quickly as it is. It moves even faster when we coast through in a hurry. I’ve learned that time means so much. Spend every minute of it in the moment. You will very surprised how much time you have for life whenever you slow down.

When was the last time you sat and let the wind blow through your hair? When did you sit on your front porch step and listen to the birds' chirp? When was the last time you laid your head on the backseat window and enjoyed the passing scenes? We never enjoy the little things; we always focus on the bigger picture.

I feel so often that I’m running out of time. It always feels like there aren’t enough hours... But sometimes we need a nice reminder to just take it easy. This is your reminder. Enjoy your life. Find your stillness. Your hourglass will eventually run out of time. So dip your feet into the river. Go to the art fair. Compliment those crooked eyebrows. One day, your golden paint will be black.

Cover Image Credit: Rachael Crowe

Related Content

Facebook Comments