Today I want to discuss at least three specific aspects of what Christians should think about when considering a person to be in a relationship with. What are some aspects a Christian should be thinking about when he or she is considering being in a serious relationship with someone that could potentially lead to marriage?
Before I answer, I should address some possible preliminary concerns. First, some people might question why my viewpoint should be given serious consideration. After all, I am not an ordained minister, theologian, psychologist, or even a counselor. My brief answer is that I have spent a considerable amount of time reflecting on and discussing this topic with other thoughtful believers. Some of what I will mention I do have enough knowledge about to present my view as something to be taken seriously.
Secondly, many might feel that I am making this complicated. Some of you might be thinking, "Isn't life supposed to be simple?" Is following Jesus supposed to be something that does not require a high level of education? I do admit that those who naturally think deeply and thoughtfully about these issues are more vulnerable to over-analyzing these issues than others; I am one of them. However, I do not think this should be a major concern. People are not simple. The world God created is complex. We have multiple layers. We will not completely figure out ourselves – much less others – before eternity, but it is crucial to know ourselves and others as well as we can.
Before diving in, I should forewarn those who are hoping for some discussion about personality types that you might be disappointed. I do not deny its importance, however, I will not be including it because I am not as familiar with personality types as I am with the other issues.
Today I will just give an overview of what I will discuss in the following week and perhaps the week afterward and quickly point out that philosophical reflection is a big part of thinking deeply and carefully about relationships and dating. I will divide what I will talk about into three general areas: (1) essentials, (2) preferences, and (3) chemistry/connectivity-enhancing activities and attractions.
By the essentials, I mean those things that are necessary and non-negotiable for any Christ-honoring relationship to work as it is designed to do. The list I have is not exhaustive but is a start: (1) they have a Christian worldview, (2) the individual cares about virtue/character, (3) they know themselves, and (4) value themselves and others as modeled by Christ.
Preferences are interesting. I think most people know what a preference is even if they can't give an exact definition of it. In our case, I would define a preference as something that does not inherently improve or worsen one's character and health. Choosing or liking something over another thing does not involve making a godlier or morally better choice or a choice with moral significance. Let's take food for instance. In one situation, I choose apple pie over cherry pie and barring any health issues, that would be a case where I am not making a "better" choice for health and ethical concerns.
Assuming I would not get sick, any choice I would make would not make me a better or worse person because of my decision. Other examples would be sports, clothing styles (assuming they're modest), movie and music selections (assuming they're not layered with sexually explicit content), and even certain hobbies people might enjoy for themselves.
The last thing I kind of came up with myself is something I call, "Chemistry-enhancing activities and attractions." This is almost a middle layer between matters of character and preferences. I'll use myself as an example. I connect with intellectually inclined people because that is a common characteristic that we share together. If I met a girl who told me she loves philosophy and apologetics, then my interest could very well deepen and intensify. That kind of mutual interest would truly heighten our connection and bonding.
That woman would not be more godly than another girl who is very compassionate and loving towards others but knows little to nothing about defending the faith. However, whether a girl had that same level of interest or not could potentially impact our level of connection even though it would not add or take away from her character quality.
To conclude, I think that every Christian should know what is non-negotiable, where there is flexibility, and to know what would cause them to have a deeper connection with someone of the opposite sex.
Next time I will talk a little bit about the essentials before moving on.
So what about you? Where do you stand on this? How much thought have you given to these issues? Stay tuned for more!
