I am finally choosing myself. Most of my life, I have made decisions

based on what I thought would make the majority of people in my life

happy. But, no matter what I did, I always failed in someone’s mind. And

that weighed on me for years. I would try to make up for my failures,

but I always came up short. I was never enough.

But now, I am finally deciding what is important to me, and I am going

for it. And to some people, what I want is not good for me. I am ending a

relationship that has been over for over a year, without anyone

knowing. I kept my feelings to myself because I knew that no one would

understand. No one would be able to look at me the same way. What

happened was not my fault, but choosing not to stick it out despite my

unhappiness, is.

I have become the bad guy. The instigator. The home wrecker. Because I

am the one who is finally making the decision to move forward towards

what is best for me. But, because I don’t want to air my dirty laundry,

or reveal the skeletons in the closet of my marriage, no one can truly

understand what led me to this decision. But the beauty of that is, what

happened in my marriage is no ones damn business.

Do not try to talk me out of a decision that kept me up every night for

months. A decision that has weighed heavy on my mind throughout every

day I spent smiling, and laughing, and pretending that everything was

normal. Don’t you dare try to tell me that my feelings aren’t valid. And

my opinion is not worth as much as yours, when it comes to MY life.

All I need from anyone, is support and patience. This is hard. Starting

over is so scary, and difficult, and there is no guarantee that I’m even

doing any of this the right way. But, I have to figure that out for myself.

Give me space, give me time, and give me the respect I deserve as I try

to find my way.