“Okay here it is. Your choice. It’ s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’ s really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.” – Meredith Grey

That Grey’s Anatomy quote reminds me how hard it is to fall for someone so much that it hurts. I never thought I would be the girl waiting by the phone waiting for text or just something to know that they are thinking about me.

I’ve been watching Grey’s for as long as I remember. I remember Meredith pleading to Derek when he was deciding between Meredith and his wife Addison. I loved the fact that Meredith said, “Choose me. Love me.” It’s bold and I admire it.

In a way, I relate to it. I want you to realize it’s me. I want you to choose me and love me over everyone else.

I don’t want to be the girl sitting by her phone while you are out with someone else. I don’t want you to have me in the back of your mind. I want me to be in the front where you know with full certainly it’s me. I want you present. Not the past. I want you to realize that through all my flaws and mistakes, I should be the one you choose.

I promise to love you and never give up as long as you do the same. I am not sitting here begging you. I never wanted that. I want you. I want you in the most simple, complicated, and worst way.

You may not feel the same. As I have said before, I am not going to sit here and beg you to choose me as much as I would like. This is me being straight up about it.

I was given a second chance to try. Try to explain everything and live my life the way I need too.

In a way, I feel like I need to explain that I can’t get you off my mind no matter how hard I try. I can’t help but need and want everything that relates to you. My stomach turns into knots and I’m pretty sure that my cheeks turn a nice shade of red.

That’s your fault.

It was the conversation that made me bite my lip and hold myself because that’s what I had to do. I had to remember my limits and I remember I could do it. I know life isn’t simple and neither are you.

I remember my first heartbreak because of you. I cried in a car and at work because I wanted you and I didn’t know what to do. I was wondering what I got myself into. I couldn’t let you go. I couldn’t let the thought of us go.

You are the reason why I wish and hope that maybe you feel the same and I’m not crazy. I lack faith in myself and I’m sorry. I don’t think sometimes when I’m talking to you and as embarrassing as it is, it’s true. It’s true because I feel like I’m a middle schooler having her first crush. I feel like it’s something I can’t let go of and I don’t want to.

I want you to choose me, love me because in the end you are all I want and more.

But in the case, It’s her not me. Remember me by the time, you wanted me.