Some people expect me to be this happy go lucky person, and I don't know how to be "happy" exactly. What does "happy" even mean? I thought happiness meant being happy all the time. I guess it doesn't mean shit.

When I mean "It doesn't mean shit," I mean no one cares if you're happy or not. They would rather see you suffer and not be happy for your sake.

I have been unhappy for quite some time. Even in relationships, I'm not happy at all. I need time to do some soul searching for myself.

After being with someone for six years, then being single, getting with someone who I have known for 20 years makes a huge difference. After getting out of a six-year relationship to become single, it was a clear picture that I wasn't happy.

After being single for a while and hanging out with my ex, (family friend); I started to fall hard because I knew him for 20 some years, and I got with him. Well, when you're with someone, you get to know the real true person of who they are.

I found myself wanting more.

I decided to become single so I could be more spontaneous about life and learn what to love in a relationship. I don't even know what love is anymore. After six years, it was nothing but silence. I did not get a call or anything. I felt horrible.

After six years, I did not feel the love. It was horrible. There was no love at all in the relationship after four and half years, though, if I'm being honest. I guess being with someone who is also adventurous, who likes to do things instead of being lazy, makes a difference in a relationship.

Start doing you, and start being happy for your sake. I was just miserable. So I decided to call it quits and be single because I wasn't putting up with the bullshit I was put through.

I decided to stay single after being fucked over of what I thought could have been my real true love. Obviously not. I decided to become single, do some soul searching and figure out where my calling is by myself for a while.

Maybe I'll find my man who has a love for horses and such.

Being with someone who values me, respects me and supports my decisions makes my life a whole lot different.

Maybe it isn't my time yet. I guess my time wasn't now... maybe it'll be later.