Therapists from different parts of the world have agreed upon the fact that as humans, all of us have a desire to feel secure within our own selves and also outside. Strong bonds and relationships help us feel safe which in turn keeps us motivated in more ways than one. However, a lot of times, the coping strategies that we adopt as adults, sever the bonds that we share with our loved ones. What's surprising is that we often do not even realize when this happens.

Do you ever introspect on why you react the way you do? Do you ever question yourself about where you are headed and what's really going on in your life? If not, then now is the time for you to start.

Here's how your childhood impacts the relationships that you build later:

1.Trust Issues

Relationships are built on trust. If you struggle to lay your trust in others, it could be due to deep-rooted memories of a bad experience with people you were innately meant to trust. If your parents abandoned you, criticized you, neglected you or built a relationship with you that was based on conditions, then you probably developed a sense of insecurity as you evolved in the environment that your childhood saw. Parents use various tools that they feel would aid the appropriate upbringing of their children. However, a lot of times such tools fail to work, instilling a sense of insecurity in children. If you did not have the freedom to open up to your parents about your true emotions and feelings, chances are high that you find it difficult to do the same with your friends or spouse as an adult. You start internalizing emotions in an attempt to deal with your inner insecurities and protect yourself from being hurt. This could hamper you from opening up to even your closest people. It is important for you to acknowledge how your past is impacting your present and potentially even future and work towards laying trust in others.

2.Intimacy Problems

This is another issue that people who do not easily trust their partners or spouses face. You feel vulnerable to expose the part of your being to your partner, which you would not expose to everyone. You feel like being intimate is a risk because by doing so, you hand over the control to someone else. You could feel vulnerable at all levels; emotional, sexual or mental. If you find it difficult to establish an intimate relationship with someone, it could be because you could not easily open up and be yourself as a child. It's possible that you were misunderstood, and even dismissed. Maybe you felt like no matter what you did, you always ended up disappointing your parents. And therefore, you preferred remaining recluse and not opening up much. This fear of being misunderstood or dismissed could still be a part of you, as an adult. You probably find it difficult to get intimate with your partner because you do not feel comfortable and confident being your own self in front of them. You fear being judged by your partner and therefore do not wish to completely bare yourself in their presence. In such a scenario, talking it out with your spouse is the best way you could deal with the situation. Do not be afraid to bare your soul to a person you feel committed to.

3.You Need Reassurance

If you did not have the kind of relationship with your parents that let you develop a sense of autonomy, then it is likely that you doubt your own potential and capabilities as an adult. It is possible that you were not given the much required reassurance to be able to feel confident to make mistakes and learn from them, as an infant. Or maybe you were not even acknowledged, or even worse, acknowledged too much with every little activity being monitored and critiqued. Whatever the case, you could not develop confidence in your own achievements, mistakes and flaws. This could have a massive impact on your relationship with others. Let me explain how. Having a low self confidence could make you extremely defensive, in order to fight your insecurity. You actually need reassurance from your partner but you would not let them do that because you push them away with your own defensive attitude. Self-talk is what could help you here. Reassure your own self, build some confidence and trust your capabilities. Then seek reassurance from your partner and be open to being comforted.

4.Panic Issues

You may drown in an overwhelming sense of panic in case your partner talks about leaving you; due to lack of reassurance by your brain that everything will go back to normal soon. This is common with people who have witnessed separation of parents in their childhood. Having experienced abandonment at an early age could trigger panic in your brain even in not-so-serious arguments with your partner. You feel that you're not ready to cope with a breakup, and you tend to act bizarre. This could take an ugly turn in adult relationships. You may feel vulnerable and desire immediate comfort and soothing in order to get back to your normal self. In case that does not happen, panic could cause you to react in a manner that is not in accordance with your normal behavior. In order to avoid panic, try to repair conflict by giving yourself and your partner a break to understand and process the entire situation.

5.Your Coping Mechanism is to Shut Down

In case you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to get away to seek space from your partner or shutting yourself down, a little too often, you are probably struggling with conflict. You may not want to get involved in arguments and conflicts possibly because you witnessed too much of it while growing up. You have a fear of letting go. You did not learn how to cope with conflicts and repair them in your formative years, and therefore, you may find it difficult to do the same even as an adult. Shutting down is normal, however, if the frequency is too much then you may be misunderstood by your partner as indifferent. Thus, instead of running away from problems, try to look for solutions. Be sensitive towards the needs of your partner and share your thought process with them.

Do not let your past haunt a beautiful future that you could build with your people.