Dear beautiful child,
I am going to start this off by saying how truly sorry I am that you lost a parent. I will never once say "I know what you're going through" because frankly, I do not. And to be honest with you, there is not one person that does. Even your siblings will have a different experience than you, and that is OK. But there are a few things I want you to know.
1. It will be hard.
What you just went through will be one of the hardest things you ever go through. I went through it in July of 2016 and I personally give you permission to punch anyone in the face that says "it will get easier;" They're lying—I'm sorry, but they are. It does not get easier, you get stronger. Every day from here on out you will become a stronger person, but it is still a really tough situation.
2. No one knows what you're going through.
I know I opened up with this but I would like to say it again for the people in the back. No one gets it. You have probably had older people saying "I know what you're going through, I lost my parent a few years ago." Newsflash: they don't know what you're going through; they are like 50 and lost their parent at an older age and here you are, little 18-year-old you, who just lost your mom and you want to scream in their face and tell them about how they don't get it. Sadly, you just have to accept that they are just trying to relate to you to make the situation better, but sometimes they just make it worse.
3. Don't be afraid to talk about it.
At first, you may not want to talk to anyone, that is OK. But, I encourage you to talk to people about how you felt during the loss. People aren't evil and they won't hate you for talking to them, I strongly, strongly, strongly encourage you to talk to anyone you can. Sometimes you just need your thoughts heard too. (Feel free to contact me if you need to, I'll listen. |skyejenkins@mail.usf.edu| )
4. It is OK to cry.
As previously stated it will be hard. I lost my mom about six months ago and you just get into your feels sometimes. Do not, I repeat do not let anyone make you feel bad or small or like you're a baby for crying. Even if you cry every day, it's OK. If you are able to, cry with your recently widowed parent, or your sibling or your caregiver because they should not make you feel bad for needing to cry.
5. The loss of a parent does not mean they are not your parent.
You will probably run into people who say "You were *parents name* kid, I am so sorry for your loss." Yes, I still am my parent's kid.
6. Words just fall out of people mouths.
A lot of the time (probably 100 percent of the time) people don't know what to say to you. They just say whatever comes to their mind and sometimes, it isn't the best but you have to put your big girl (or boy) panties on and accept what they say because they are only trying to make the situation better.
7. You are strong.
One of the things I have noticed about my experience is that I gained so much strength from the loss of my mom. You will too. You have made it through one of the toughest times a person can experience; go you! I am so proud of you.
8. Cling to your other parent.
I hate calling them your other parent. But cling to your mother or father. They are going through a really tough time as well and they are going to need you. Cling to them. Love them. And be thankful for them.
I'm going to end this by again saying I am so sorry. You have overcome one of the hardest things you will probably ever overcome.
With love,
Skye, a girl who lost her mom.
