What is love? Well, it depends on who you ask. For every individual who comprises this complex universe, the answer is different. However, where you may find the most substantial differentiation is from a child of heartbreak. A young adult, who as a child, witnessed the false perception of love. As a result, their heart lay broken. Left isolated from everything and everyone, but the confused and frail pieces of themselves.
To begin understanding what that's like, you must first endure it. Personally, I underwent this experience at the ripe age of six. It was not until I was entering into the sixth grade that the adults in my life proposed the idea. For so long, they had rejected it. Word of a separation was not whispered in the household. Instead, cruel affairs ran rampage. Isolation quickly became the object in which members choose to befriend. They had been lying to themselves and everyone around them. The neighborhood's perception of us was similar to the physique of the house - white, foreshadowing the purity and love we were meant to represent. However, it was all a facade. Quite frankly, a state of affairs and obligation.
As a child, I was accustomed to this reality. Love was not an object that projected itself in my life, but a quality that could be controlled for one's advantage. I witnessed the vulnerability that this so-called love brought into an individual's life. To be honest, I did not want it. What I really wanted was the admiration that other families possessed. I desired the respect that beamed from the faces of spouses to one another and to their children. I cherished that aspiration, but realized that it was not something I could acquire.
As a result of the reality that my young and yet mature self lived through, I picked up on the habits of my superiors. I distanced myself from anyone who threatened the notion that I was all that I needed. I did not want them and their views on love that they carried. Slowly, I became enclosed in my own fragile state. Here, no one could convince me of their feelings. I could not be broken into even smaller pieces than the ones my predecessors abandoned me with. I could work on being whole without the council of those who viewed love so differently than myself. Meanwhile, I could escape the judgement of not desiring the same aspects as my peers.
For the past few years of my young life, I have been interrogated as to why I am so unlike the "other girls" my age. Why I view simple ideas and invitations to be so much more complex than the common eye. Also, why I do not possess the desire for normal societal expectations of women. In all honesty, being a child of heartbreak is a fundamental reason. Of course it’s not limited to this! Over the course of my nineteen years of life, I have endured a significant quantity of hurdles that have tailored me into who I am today. In addition, the separation of my biological parents was not this clean and simple dissolution of an arrangement. It was created and caused by years of unhappiness and unwillingness.
Ultimately, it brought to life a stronger and motivated young woman who does not falter at the notion of men. It carried with it, power. A capability more diverse, cultivated, and persisted than its original form. Without my heartbreak, I would allow others to further follow suit. My heart may be guarded, but I have my reasons why. The girl who lost what she deemed to be it all, had to piece herself back together. Knowingly, she understood quite a few of life's greatest lessons sooner than most. Because of it, she will not settle for average. Glory will paint the path that follows. One day, she'll find her equal - not a day too soon or late, and not by sacrifice of herself.
