Pay your rent, clean your car, have supper. Get to work by 8 a.m. and don’t leave until 5 p.m. or later. Don’t forget the kids if you have them — one has soccer at 5 p.m., but the other one has rehearsal from 5:30 to 8 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Did you remember to take the trash out before you left? Are all the lights off in the house? How about the dogs, did you take them out? I hope you don’t come back to a house destroyed! See how easy it is to get so caught up in life that you actually forget to really live? This journal is about a personal sociological experience I’ve gone through time and time again. Ever since my seventh-grade year in middle school, the loss of classmates and loved ones has hung over my head like an omnipresent cloud. In seventh grade, the class of 2014 lost Jonathon to a terrible car wreck. Barely even five months later, we lost Crystal in a car wreck as well. That alone is a lot to deal with as a young teenager. At that age, we are just starting to understand how life is and what we believe in. Losing two classmates back to back brought our class closer for a little while, but it also left us hurting with more pain that we hadn't dealt with over the years. Some classmates sought therapy while most chose to deal with it themselves.

High school is supposed to be better than middle school. You find out who your real friends are, and you stick close to them. However, my sophomore year we lost a girl who was a grade above us to yet another car wreck. Talk about a reality check. Another wave of sadness swept through the high school again, only adding to the pain felt from the previous passing of classmates. Counselors and youth pastors came into the halls to offer advice or prayer to students who needed it. The truth is we all needed it whether we reached out for it or not.

My senior year came so fast! Graduation was coming up quickly. It seemed like my life and everyone else’s was getting ready to take off. One morning I came to school, and I heard the devastating news that had taken place the night before. A freshman girl had taken her life because of incessant bullying. My world was spinning, and I couldn’t make sense of much. How could someone feel so alone and so afraid that they felt they had no other way out? I began to blame myself, asking senseless questions. Had I walked by this girl and ignored her? Had I ever seen her reaching out for help? Did anyone help her? Did anyone care? Or were we all just so busy living our own lives and trying to be cool that we didn’t care about her? How could no one have known how horrible she felt about herself?

A couple of months later, sadness hit the high school again. This time, it hit a little closer to me than I ever expected. On Nov. 25, 2014, my friend, Nick, took his life. I can still remember our morning talks about small stuff. I remember how he was so excited to bring me some applesauce that he and his grandmother had made on a previous weekend. We had lost touch when he transferred schools, but I can’t help but ask myself if I missed any signs that he was unhappy? I began to blame myself again. Nick was a friend of mine. I used to talk to him on a daily basis. Was I too caught up in my own life that I didn’t see Nick reaching out for a friend to pull him out of his darkest days and help him? Was there anything I could have done to maybe change his mind? Could I have made him laugh one more time? Maybe even rethink his decision to take his life. I never even knew he felt alone and ridiculed and lost. I still miss his smiling face, his caring heart and his hardworking ethic.

That’s the thing about life. While we are all out here working nonstop and focusing on getting the next best thing, we forget to nurture our relationships with others. We all try to make that money to buy the new iPhone or a new car. Some just want to get high while others want to get so drunk they can’t see straight. Some people are focused on themselves too much, and it doesn’t have to be because of money, drugs or alcohol.

Life teaches hard lessons about how short life really is. You all need to take the time to have that heartfelt conversation with your papa or take that fishing trip with your dad. One day they won’t be there anymore. Stop chasing the next big thing, stop spending so much time on your smartphones and iPads. Stop shutting everyone out. Let people in and love them. Start cherishing life and people like it’s your last day, because one day, it will be your last. No more phone calls to your mama when you’ve had a bad day at work or you just want to hear her voice. No more hugs from your brother or sister. No more going fishing with your dad or playing the piano with your papa. No more baking cakes or sewing dresses with your grandmother. No more late night phone calls with your best friend. Get out there and live life. Don’t hide away and seclude yourself, because one day you will be the only thing you have left.