Now, I am just going to start out by saying that 80 percent of these are awful jokes, sorry not sorry.

I guarantee that you will either laugh or roll your eyes though, so it's worth the read. Trust me. I have my boyfriend to thank for all these jokes, he tells me at least 5 a day. I can't complain though.

1. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

2. How does a duck buy lipstick?

It just puts it on its bill.

3. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

He wanted to raise some dough.

4. What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

5. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator.

6. Why did the man throw his clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

7. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

He was feeling a little crummy.

8. When is the best time to visit your dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

9. What do you call a cake that was made by a prostitute?


10. What do you call a horse that likes to move around a lot?


11. Why are astronomers good at organizing birthday parties?

Because they know how to planet.

12. What's the longest word in the English language?

"Smiles" because it has a mile between each 's'.

13. What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the closet?


14. What did the police man say to his stomach?

"You're under avest!"

15. My life. :)

I hope you enjoyed these jokes and that you at least smiled once. If you did, my job here is done.