At times, it has seemed as if I would never fit in with those around me. And If you're reading this, chances are you've felt the same way a time or two.
I've felt the glare of those who didn't understand my personality. I've heard the harsh words my classmates would sometimes whisper behind my back after I spoke up in class. I've felt the burning in my cheeks after getting a paper ball thrown at me from across the cafeteria. And I've felt the stinging pain that comes from holding back tears in these sorts of situations.
Tired of constantly having to endure the pain my unique personality brought me, I attempted to change myself. I straightened my hair and wore a full face of makeup even though I would much rather have slept an extra hour in the morning. I sat quietly and only listened even when I felt compelled to speak up. I stopped carrying books that weren't required for school into the classroom so others wouldn't judge my choice of a novel. I stopped humming along to my favorite song whenever it came on the radio. I believed that if I fit into everyone else's definition of normal then I would be happy.
But I wasn't.
Sure, I fit in with everyone else. I acted like everyone else. I spoke like everyone else. I looked like everyone else.
But I wasn't everyone else.
I was me.
On the outside, I was the girl with perfectly straightened hair and pristinely applied makeup. But on the inside, I was a girl who wanted nothing more than to pull her annoyingly straight hair off of her shoulders and wash off the mask of makeup she had applied that morning.
Fortunately, I realized that changing my outward appearance couldn't change my soul. I couldn't stop my urge to read Stephen King novels by denying myself to read it in front of others. I couldn't stop myself from becoming overly excited every time something wonderful happened to me. I couldn't stop myself from quoting novels in everyday conversations. I couldn't stop these actions because they were exactly what my personality was composed of. I couldn't stop myself from acting like I was destined to. So what if I didn't fit in, so to speak? So what if my actions could sometimes be classified as strange? It's just who I was born to be.
After years of struggling to fit in with the crowd, I have given up. I have finally accepted who I am for the first time in my life. And you know what?
I'm happier than I've ever been.
Stay true to yourself. Don't you dare change for anyone. If someone cannot accept who you are, then they don't deserve to know you. You cannot live a lie. Sooner or later your true self will gnaw away at the wall of lies you've built around your personality and break through. So listen to your favorite music and sing along at the top of your lungs. Dress how you choose to and rock it. Read what you want to and write that fanfiction you've been dreaming up. Dance like no one is watching even if everyone is.
You're living for yourself and no one else, so live your life exactly how you want to - happily.
