Here I am again with an extra large coffee staring at me at midnight. My desk is cluttered with papers, my playlists are screaming to "please stop playing me"and my mind is exhausted. I've tirelessly tried for hours to push accounting equations and principles into my head. I feel like I've spent days at this desk shoving information at myself and trying way too hard to understand it.

College. Where we figure out who we are, what we want to do with our lives and what the hell we are doing on this earth. So far college has been kicking my ass. Like most people, I went through high school aimlessly. I participated in too many extracurricular activities. My courses were too easy. I didn't have to study for tests because my classes meant nothing to me. I spread myself too thin in my studies. I bounced around communications classes, journalism classes and an Art major for four years. I even took language courses which I dropped because they were too hard.

The only class that I tried for, that I was passionate for was Art. I would leave my core classes early because I was finished with the readings other students were chapters behind on. I would head to the art room and work on paintings. Sometimes I would skip lunch to set up my easel outside and work on a painting. There was nothing that got me through the struggle of high school other than my drive to produce art.

Here I am telling you that I have been in college for two years not pursuing anything I am interested in. Nothing I have ever had a passion for. But I've been forced to change my heart, my mind and my drive because of the stigma that Art majors will not make it. That they will live in boxes and be worthless. If you're an Art major I believe that you will fight that stigma hard. You will produce passion and change the world's view of the artist; however, for myself, I had to enter college under a new major because I was too afraid to take the risk. You were not afraid, and I am forever impressed by your courage and work.

Here I am wasting thousands of hours of minimum wage earnings to pay for an education that picks my brain every single day. I do not understand it. Do I like learning about a new area of the world? Yes. But it is midnight on a Monday night. Right now I should be studying the different adjustments of income statements. Instead, I am slamming on a keyboard telling you that I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I have an exam that I cannot focus to study for. I can't focus because the words go in my head and out of my brain within thirty seconds. For a month, I have tried so hard to understand accounting. It's been two weeks since I've changed my major to Accounting. Do you think I'm terrified yet? I was comfortable as a Marketing major, but I was told by my very successful family members that I will not make it in the world without passing my CPA. Do you think that was what I wanted to hear? That I won't graduate with a job if I'm a Marketing major. That was the only field of business I actually enjoyed.

In a Marketing major I got to be creative, but here studying financial accounting, I am not learning how to advertise a product to customers. No, it's not that easy over here in Accounting 201. Learning how a business can balance its revenues and expenses is the part of the book I'm studying now. Until I was enrolled in my first accounting class, I had no idea what an accountant did let alone understand the ins and outs of financial statements and ledgers. Until I forced myself to declare a Business major, I had no idea what the other half of the world looked like. Although I would rather pull out my acrylics and put my mind onto paper, I will continue studying for my accounting exam.

Why? Despite my short term desires, I know what I want my long-term life to look like. I know that painting won't get me there. Painting isn't exciting to me anymore because I've trained my mind to want to understand business. What's exciting now is this new path I am on. Here I can learn, thrive, and find happiness. Happiness through accounting? You ask how.

I'm so determined to get to a successful point in my life. I want to live comfortably, I want to love my life and be truly happy. Accounting will get me there because it's harder than any class I've taken before. Although I don't understand the difference between a balance sheet and a trial balance sheet, I cannot wait to learn. As soon as I'm done ranting I am going to learn.

Successful people never quit. Just because they reach a point of achievement doesn't mean they stop trying to achieve. Hard working, determined people will work endlessly and tirelessly to turn their lives into something relevant.

I guess that's where I'm getting at. Whatever my calling is, art, accounting, at this rate it could be biology, it will find me. When it does, I am ready to take it on full force and work harder than anyone has seen because the long term benefits of working hard outweigh the short term ones of being momentarily happy.

Accounting taught me that. We will see.