Not going to lie, I hate change. I hate everything about change. I like consistency and I like it when things stay the way I found them.
I thrive on routines, I thrive on having a schedule and knowing when to expect certain things. If I see you on Wednesdays, I want to continue seeing you on Wednesdays. It may seem silly, but routines add structure. I love structure.
When things change, I feel like that structure that's demolished and no longer existent. When that structure is no longer there, I begin to sort of slowly freak out. It's not good.
It's not good because the only thing consistent about life is that it is constantly changing. It's an oxymoron, but it's true. Life is consistently inconsistent. I hate it.
Last year my life and routines were always being flipped upside down. Each week was a new week, and I found myself either around new people or in a new place studying. It was changing and part of me was excited to meeting all of these people and doing all of these things, but a bigger part of me hated that I didn't have a set routine.
My life got changed TWICE in 2018. Yeah TWICE! One because of a door frame in the beginning of the year and the other because of a job I had in the summer.
I grew so much as a person and not only transformed, but I felt like I evolved to become a totally new person. I felt like I was a Pokémon, and I was trained until a certain level and then evolved to be this stronger and better Pokémon. That was a weird analogy, but I am weird and I love that about myself.
Even though I had all of this great change in my life last year, I still struggled. I didn't want to lose who I was at my core. That's what I am most scared about change. That I would lose sight of who I am.
It seems silly to have that fear because change tends to be a good thing in the long run, but it's a fear that I have every single time I endure change. I don't want to have that fear anymore. I don't want to be the person who if their routine fails, then I get anxious inside.
This is because routines will be broken. Nothing will stay consistent other than my class schedule and that's because I need them for my major. That's totally fine, and I cannot stress out if I oversleep my breakfast one day because life happens. Basically, I need to be a bit more spontaneous and not plan out my entire life.
One thing that I love and hate about my friends is that they are so spontaneous. In the summer, my friends would text me basically forcing me to go out to dinner with them in 30 minutes time. This was after I had fed my dogs and was getting ready to binge watch Netflix for 6 hours. These hangouts were some of the highlights of my summer.
That spontaneity is something that I want to embrace. My mindset is if I adopt that spontaneous attitude, then I will be more willing to embrace change more. I can't be planning every moment of my life out because plans fail as life is always taking us in new directions that are unexpected.
That's why we need to embrace change more. That's why we need to work hard towards our goals, but not live life on a plan or else we will be heavily disappointed. This year for the rest of my time, I am not running away from change and I am going to fully embrace it.
