Recent events, both national and personal, has lead me to question why we handle suicide the way we do? Why is it almost always retrospective? Why is our response either to criticize the person or to tell people to think about how “stupid” suicide is? To think about how our families would feel if we are gone? Why are we not doing more to help while the person is still alive?
To the people who say to just think about how “stupid” and “selfish” it is; the feelings push someone to suicide are not rational. It is not as simple as thinking “hey this is not a good idea” or “just cheer up.” It is thinking you are worthless, thinking that the world would be better off without you. Thinking that you have nothing left to live for. By telling someone that suicide is selfish, you are adding fuel to the fire. That person who is already feeling worthless, starts to think that they are “just being dumb” and then they keep it to themselves because they don’t want to inconvenience anyone by telling them their problems. This causes their thoughts to magnify because they just got confirmation of their previous thoughts. This goes on and on until they finally find an outlet for this emotion, whatever that outlet may be.
Along with saying that their decision was selfish, many people say that we should feel bad for the family instead of the person but why should it be one or the other? Why should we not feel bad for the person who battled their demons for years and then lost the battle and the family who was left behind when they lost? Do you really think that their family want to see someone who did not know him say that he was selfish? That their career and all of their achievements were stained because of how his life ended? I wouldn’t.
In the case of celebrity suicides, some people believe that remembering, talking, and writing about their career is glorifying their death, but that is not true. It is not a case of “if you have enough issues and end your life, we'll write about the legacy you'll leave behind and everything will be okay.” Remembering their legacy is that way that many fans are mourning the deceased. We remember their legacy and the good that they did and don’t let their demons ruin what they did.
We need to change the conversation about suicide. When something like this happens, people jump to one of two things: either saying that “suicide is selfish” or saying that “if you are suicidal, you should get help” and neither is actually very helpful. We need to change the conversation to how we as individuals can help rather than pushing the responsibility onto someone else.
We need to pay better attention to our loved ones and acknowledge when something is wrong. We need to learn how to confront each other about our emotions and what to do when we think someone is suicidal. Telling someone the number of the suicide hotline or to seek professional help only helps when that person wants to seek help. We as individuals need to find out what we can do to help each other. You don’t have to be the person who fixes everything, it’s probably impossible to do so, but we need to be able to do more for each other than telling the person to go get help.
I don’t have all the answers, I wish I did. I just hope that by writing this, we can start having the conversation about how to be proactive in this type of situation, instead of just being reactive. I am in no way saying that professionals should not be taken advantage of, they are an amazing resource and if you or someone you love are willing to get professional help, please do. I just think that we rely on the person being willing to get help too much instead of doing what we can to help a person to the point where they are willing to get help.
Suicide is not selfish. Suicide is not stupid.
