From the time I was young, the future and my adult life always seemed like something that would happen one day, but not anytime soon. I've always felt like I had all the time in the world to prepare for my career path and to really figure out what I wanted to do. However, now that I'm in college, I feel as if the future is hurdling towards me faster than I'm ready for. I know I'm only 19 years old; I'm still young and I still have plenty of time. Not enough time, though. The future has become somewhat of a daunting idea and it can be a little scary. Suddenly, the events I pictured myself experiencing have gone from "one day" to, "in a few years." How do I know if I'm ready?

I've always had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I joined choir at my school in the third grade and from then on, I was pretty much set on the path I wanted to pursue. The thought of that gave me a lot of excitement and pride. I felt secure knowing that I had found my passion so quickly. I would think to myself, "People spend years and years trying to figure out what they want and here I am at 13 with everything already figured out!" It was smooth sailing from there. I continued studying music throughout middle school and high school and everything was going great. Not only did I discover what my passion was, but I was also pretty good at it. By no means was I a musical prodigy, but I was doing well for my age and my teachers saw a lot of potential in me. Around my freshman year of high school is when I started considering not only pursuing music, but teaching it. This seemed like a way to not only continue doing what made me happy, but it was a way to make others happy as well. I wanted to be someone's role model, like my teachers were for me. Spreading my love for music and helping others find theirs as well seemed like the perfect path for me.

After graduating high school, I came to college without a care in the world. I was excited to soak up every moment of the next four years and never look back. As I began taking classes and studying for exams, however, my outlook on myself and my level of capability changed dramatically. I didn't feel as if I was picking up on the material as easily as my peers and I began to feel as if I just wasn't good enough. How was I supposed to teach this to someone else if I couldn't master it myself? I knew college would be challenging and I was under the impression I was prepared for it. It really isn't easy experiencing thoughts of self-doubt. I began to question the one thing I was so certain I was meant to do. Will I make it? Am I really cut out for this? If not, where do I go from there? These questions made me want to quit and give up. Because of these feelings, I shied away from opportunities to learn and to show my talent. I was very discouraged and felt as if I was reaching the end before I really even began. As a result, the biggest obstacle standing in my way turned out to be myself.

This summer, I've had a lot of time to reflect on my freshman year and how I can improve. I think about all the times I was met with a challenge and how I reacted to it, and most of the time I am not happy with the decision I made. Now is the time to stop expecting someone to swoop in and decide things for me or fix my mistakes. I still have three years left in my undergrad degree and I don't plan on giving up just yet. In fact, if I could redo my freshman year completely, this is what I would tell myself: do not turn away from failure. Everyone experiences it, and it should be viewed as a learning experience, rather than as the end of the line. Although it may feel like it, it does not mean that you are any less talented or any less capable of achieving what you want. All you can do now is to continue to improve so you won't make the same mistakes again. Another important thing to remember is, you don't have control over what anyone else is doing; you only have control over your own actions. Stop trying to compete with everyone else around you, but instead compete with yourself. Set goals and work your hardest to achieve them. You'll be happier knowing that you only need to rely on yourself for your success, rather than seeing how you match up to someone else.

Moving forward is going to be my motto for this upcoming year. Because that is what I am meant to do right now. The future, while a little frightening at times, is coming and I want to be ready when it does. We all have a choice to make when we are faced with an obstacle. Am I going to sit back and let this challenge beat me or am I going to face it head on and do my best to win? I want to continue pushing myself and working towards the best future I can create for myself.