You don't watch The Bachelorette, you say? Well that's alright. These quotes are universal, they apply to everyone and anyone. Honestly, these quotes have really helped me through some hard times. I know that America has been treating Chad like a villain or a bully since this last season aired, but he makes some great points. For instance...
1. Chad understands what's best for women
Chad is tired of these nice guys coming in and treating women with respect! It's reprehensible and deplorable, honestly.
"I always warn girls, I always say: stay away from the nice guys."
2. Chad especially understands what's best for JoJo
This quote goes really deep. You might have to read it a few times to understand it.
"If you're making a protein shake, made of the group of dudes here, and, y'know, blended it up... half that dude-protein-shake would have zero chance with JoJo."
3. Chad knows how easy it is to offend short people
Don't we all hate short people, though?
"She's gonna keep Alex around because she doesn't want America to think she hates short people."
4. Chad has great advice for dealing with stress
Hint: protein solves everything.
"I'm gonna have some protein shakes, keep working out, keep eating the food, and continue to do what I do. And at the end of the day, I'm going to get the girl."
5. Chad isn't scared to defend his honor
Chad doesn't like bullies.
"I don't want to have to physically fight you, but if there's no way to stop you from saying what you're saying, then I will physically have to hurt you."
6. Chad isn't scared to go to jail, either
Sometimes, there's no other option but to threaten someone with the same torture methods used by Attila the Hun, you know? Totally understandable.
"I'm going to cut everyone here's legs off, and arms off, and there's gonna be torsos, and then I'm gonna throw them in the pool."
7. Chad recognizes the character of his opponent
Chad really respects his fellow contestants.
"You know like, you're a good guy, I'm sure, probably."
8. Chad doesn't let the character of his opponent stand in the way of violence
Sometimes, he has to use threats to keep them in their place.
"The only way I can get you to shut your mouth is to hit you in it."
9. Chad advocates against violence. Sort of.
Is it really advocating violence if he's too scared to actually hit someone?
"I don't like getting into confrontations with people."
10. Chad only advocates violence when he really, really needs to
This comment was censored for intense language.
"You think this is a show. And you think you're safe, for now. But one day, this ends. And when this ends, you go home. When you go home you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way to come to your house? I'm dead ... serious."
11. Chad tells it how it is
Chad never, ever lies.
"I'm not an aggressive guy."
12. Chad tries to protect the other guys of the house from his other personality, The Chad-Bear
Basically, Chad is the real-life Hulk. He's incapable of keeping The Chad-Bear from ripping off appendages.
"In other words, it is not a wise decision to poke the Chad-bear."
13. Chad is basically a poet
Someone give this guy a pen and some paper. His thoughts need to be recorded.
"Life ain't all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know what I mean?"
14. Chad has priorities
Maybe Chad spills his milk a lot and that's why he's always so upset?
"Have a glass of milk, man, and chill out."
15. Chad loves dairy products
He also really loves deli meat. Hopefully not at the same time? I don't know. Chad is unpredictable.
Chad, it's been great. I really hope that you and your dog find happiness and love. I'm sure that - even though you were verbally and physically abusive on Bachelor in Paradise - they will let you be the next bachelor. For sure.