"There are no days off"

-Confucius, probably

Do you think that Labor Day is just a nice title for a one-day holiday, an excuse to lay in bed watching Netflix and eating soup all day? Well, think again, buster, because my mama always told me that Labor Day is a very special day, and so, in her honor, I would like to share the true meaning of Labor Day with you all, and give you tips on how to spend yours the right way.

OKAY!

Labor Day first became an American federal holiday in 1894; this marked the first day in history that anyone had ever worked. Indeed, on the first Monday of September, 1894, God began molding the universe and all of life. To recognize and honor the first true day of work ever, Labor Day was created. This means that every year, people are given the day off from all work, school, and responsibilities. This usually leads to people staying inside lazing about all day, mothers and fathers ditching their children by dropping them off on the side of the road (please tell me this happened to you, too) for 24 hours straight, and all morals being thrown out the window for an entire day. Yes, we all know Labor Day to be a time of mayhem and sodomy, but this can change!

You see, the best way to spend your Labor Day, the RIGHT way to spend it, is at work. Shock your bosses, surprise your teachers, take care of your babies. Because you know what? As Confucius once said, "There are no days off! #JustDoIt #BallIsLife #Blessed;" I think we can all agree with and relate to that poignant message.

There are truly no days off.

Thanksgiving: In the office. Your family will understand.

Christmas: In the office. Jesus will forgive you.

Your Birthday: In the office. What better gift is there than the joy of hard, painstaking, work?

Labor Day is no different. It ain't called "Rest Day" for a reason, people. So today, if you're reading this in your PJs and you're all snug in your bed, stop being such a lazy lump and get to work ASAP! You'll thank me later.

Happy Labor Day, everyone!!!