Catholic guilt is real.

It all starts with this: I am a firm believer in a woman's right to choose what is best for her body. My parents, however, have a different idea.

There are things that I have been taught that I do not agree with. All my life, I have been taught that life begins from conception and that abortion is killing the life that God created. My whole family believes in this and expected I would too.

I was an active member of my church as an altar server, lector, and religious education teacher. However, listening to the sermons about abortion being murder was wrong. I felt like I was betraying myself if I did not stand up for what I thought was right, but I would be betraying the church if I went against them.

Ultimately, I decided that a direct confrontation with the clergy was not the answer as it would cause tension. I knew that I could not keep such an active role in a community when my core values do not align with theirs. It physically hurt me to be in church and watch the priest become fanatical and have so many people agree with him. It felt oppressive. It felt backward. So, I took a massive step back. Now, I barely go to church. My mother was not happy, she thought I was being lazy. I explained to her that I believe in valuing a woman's life and preserving her right to choose what she believes is correct. It took my mother weeks but she eventually came to respect my decision.

In no way do I harbor resentment or hate towards the church. I simply decided that I needed to take a lesser role. Spreading faith in others, having hope, and being loving is what being Catholic is to me, but these are not traits exclusive to one particular faith.

Ever since I've been at college, I've been exploring spirituality and my feelings. From my theology classes and campus ministry, I've learned so much more about the world around me and that I don't have to be Catholic to still be a good person. Catholic guilt is real and I won't be victimized by it anymore.